Possible EA - sitting on the edge

[BWP]

Puppy - I know! In a previous more trusting time she sent part of her pay to our joint account and part to our savings account held at a different bank. I assume she's not been putting the money into savings. Likely a bonus from work and her tax return make up a chunk.

Anyway, that is the how.

bluestar - I'm way ahead of you. I spent hours going through things. I found the lawyer information as mentioned. I found the laptop hidden in a spare room but can't get in. I also found that she ordered her tax slips from the last 3 years in hardcopy but through my keylogger I already knew she's sent them to her work email so she was planning something.

I know what she's up to - I'm just shocked she's obviously been planning a long time.

At this point, I'm not doing anything unless my Lawyer tells me I have to. As Puppy stated I haven't a care in the world.

I am thinking about packing some bags for her. I could always say 'based on the letter I received I assumed you were moving out'

Thoughts?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Ok. She is not there right now. I know others might advise against it but I would be tearing the house apart after getting that letter and find the deposit slip. Most likely, there are some kind of records that will let you know what she's up to. I would find her computer asap. Of course, you'll want to be careful about D seeing what you're up to, but you can call it spring cleaning.

I would too. Any family court judge worth his or her salt isn't going to look too kindly on squandering of marital assets.

Puppy

[BWP]

Thanks guys, I've documented the findings for my meeting with Lawyer - money stashed - at least 3 botox treatments at 310 a pop, current trip to Las Vegas.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Have any of the family's needs gone unmet during this time? Bills gone unpaid, or paid late? Educational expenses deferred, etc.?

I still don't understand how she could stash THIS kind of dough, without you noticing???

Puppy

[BWP]

We've covered everything, no late payments etc. Except every two weeks she's sending money to pay down the one debt we have - it obviously could me more so she's keeping some back.

I hate to admit but I was lax up until now. Money has never been an issue for us. I know now it's probably been going on for a while.

I feel completely beaten up right now. I've prided myself for years on being a good guy. Work hard, make good money, pitch in at least 50% around the house (probably more with D), remember birthdays, anniversary and celebrate them well. I've listened to countless discussions about how hard work was, how her friends don't treat her well, how her mother is nasty. Supported her through post partem - got up every night with my D, I supported her through anxiety disorder.

I look at that list and I think...what a mug! I've been taken and now to top it all off I'm going to lose my house (well at least half), lose my D and a family of ILs that I got along with very well.

Well that's it for the rant. I had to blow that off.

[BWP]

What a bizarre woman - W called today from Las Vegas to tell me all about the new tie she bought me? Then tell me the story of some famous person she shopped with.

This is the woman who just had her lawyer mail me a request to provide a financial disclosure?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Yeah, pretty bizarre, ain't it? Very much "script" though. They swing wildly from one extreme to another. It's all about making themselves feel good about what they're doing, mixed in with some newfound respect for YOU if you've taken a tough stand.

Puppy

[BWP]

The more I read here the more I see there is a script for sure. W comes home tomorrow so we'll see what happens. I don't plan to bring up the letter but I meet with my lawyer in the afternoon.

BTW - I ended that conversation and passed her to my D. Just oh that's interesting, D wants to talk to you.

When I told my IC last week she was acting nicer he nailed it as well. He said she might be thinking she's blown it with you or my likely she's planning something. I'm starting to like that guy.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Your wife is going to do some serious "feeling out" of you when she comes home. She wants to know:

- what you're THINKING

- what (if anything) you've decided to DO about things

- especially if you're talking to an atty

- if her old systems of CONTROL over you (being nice, being mean, sex, etc. -- whatever) will continue to work for you

When a wayward senses they have lost "hand" (ref.: Seinfeld, lol), they will do whatever it takes to get it back.

Seinfeld -- "Hand"

Puppy

[BWP]

I love that reference - big Seinfeld fan.

My lawyer suggests I fill out financial disclosure - don't want to be seen as withholding information. He has plans to press on separation when he discusses with W attorney.

i.e. 'they aren't separated'

She's home and is just cleaning up her stuff and playing with D...I'm sure the feeling out will start when D goes to bed. I'll be busy though.