Hi there. Thanks for stopping by Pam, Cathy and Deb.
I don't know why that hit me so hard yesterday, but then I read my Cainer horoscope for today and think hmmmmmmm:
Quote: We are now approaching the end of an era. Venus is leaving your opposite sign. That's going to make an important relationship less stressful. A certain someone has been hard going lately. You have not found it easy to talk to, work with, or understand this individual. They seem to have been feeling similarly frustrated about you. Somehow, though, you are both bound together by an inescapable commitment. This burden will soon become much easier to share.
Today is one of those days when I want to believe in this kind of thing. Now last night, I may not have.
Last night my H brought kids back and then helped S5 clean up his room. (This is a new side of him and I really appreciate it and tell him so) I had the wrapping paper box stashed under his bed as it is the only one it fits under heightwise.
Well, they took it out a week ago to find something and didn't put it back. So last night H told S to put it in our bedroom. I told him why it was under S5's bed and he said he thought that maybe it was just in there because of the holidays. Then he put it back but I could tell the whole episode bothered him.
This is indicative of one of our issues. He comes in and looks around and makes judgements about something without asking about it. Last night resolved just fine I think, but I wasn't able to follow up to explain how this type of episode makes me feel.
That is when I get a sense that he has a specified criteria of how our home should look or we should behave and something that is what he is basing his return on.
Well, I have enough on my plate today and this week without worrying about him. I can't control him and can only do what I need to do on my work project, the kids, the house, packing for the weekend trip, etc.
Does anyone else ever feel that way?
I'm off to check in on some of you now
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
Yes, I do!! My H never does anything to help clean around the house, yet can find fault with stuff all over the counters, the dishes, etc., yet doesn't help...well occasionally H will do dishes. I don't think he's vacuumed in the five years that we've been in our house either!
What I do...just vent here or to my friends and move on. It's not that important in the scheme of things...IMHO.
Quote: Last night my H brought kids back and then helped S5 clean up his room. (This is a new side of him and I really appreciate it and tell him so) I had the wrapping paper box stashed under his bed as it is the only one it fits under heightwise.
Well, they took it out a week ago to find something and didn't put it back. So last night H told S to put it in our bedroom. I told him why it was under S5's bed and he said he thought that maybe it was just in there because of the holidays. Then he put it back but I could tell the whole episode bothered him.
This is indicative of one of our issues. He comes in and looks around and makes judgements about something without asking about it. Last night resolved just fine I think, but I wasn't able to follow up to explain how this type of episode makes me feel.
We have twin Hs! It is hard to describe, but it is a feeling of judgement I get. I don't know if I can put it in words to explain it to him, but the look I get tells me that he is making some type of judgement and it isn't a good one! I don't know how to counter this. With humor? Does explaining why it is done help at all? I don't think I have experimented with different ways to combat this so I feel good about it.
So, you aren't alone! It is a science experiment, what can we do to stop feeling how we do when they do the things they will probably always do?
Totite...you get my PIECING WITH PATIENCE DB'ER AWARD FOR TODAY.....you also get big hugs for the support you are sending my way....
All H's seem to be able to notice a speck of dust and overlook a freshly mopped floor...it's a gene defect, given only to H's I believe...hate the defect ....love the man...LOL...
I think you've gotten great ideas here ....there won't be a real schedule when he's home, so go with the flow...and do as I say..lol...NOT as I do...we all know where that got me....
Thanks for the award. I am truly honored and humbled! I'd like to thank the academy...
Yes, it's funny:
That my H can grumble about the state of our home, but not help do it.
That he can grumble that our carpet is awful, but not suggest ordering new stuff.
That he can complain about the kid's bedtime routine and not help with it.
Etc, etc.
But also, the fact is that I love him despite all of that.
And I think that some of this thinking is shifting now that he has had the kids on his own and has to maintain his own place, do his own cooking, do his own shopping (you mean groceries and supplies don't magically appear? LOL!)etc, etc.
I am being sarcastic, because then I don't get down about it or dwell on it. I LET IT GO!
Anyway, have gotten a few emails today from H, very light and starting to get suggestive. Just playing back and see what happens.
He has kids tonight and I have to go volunteer at the hockey arena. SO when I get home late, after the kids are in bed...
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
Hi all. Need to keep track of my sitch here so thought I'd journal a bit and pose some questions along the way.
Last Thursday, my H came over to spend evening here since I had to go volunteer at hockey rink. When he came I had hoped to go get some errands done to get ready for weekend out of town.
Well, the kids went out in the back to skate, so I am in bathroom getting dressed and he comes in and locks door and starts getting frisky. We end up in bed again and I only get a few errands done.
Then the kids and I take off for weekend up north. We talk a bit each night when kids call to say goodnight.
On Monday, he called my cell to find out when we were leaving the resort. Then as we got closer to home we talked again and the call started to get pretty suggestive.
I told him I couldn't face cooking after driving all afternoon so he went and picked up dinner and met us at the house. Then he unloaded the entire truck for me!
The kids went downstairs to play and we got frisky some more. Then after the kids went to bed, he stayed for a while to watch news and .
He came over for dinner last night and took D9 (her b-day was Monday) to practice and took S3 with him.
Interestingly enough, he stayed here at least one night while we were gone. He didn't tell me that. When we on Monday night, I saw that the bed was made up differently from when I last did it. I asked him what night he stayed. He said he couldn't remember. I said good - not that you didn't remember, but that you stayed here.
He also did some light cleaning while here in the living room - vacuuming and straightening up. Last night he helped the boys straighten and vacuum their rooms again too - which he did last week.
I guess I'll never understand why he isn't living here. Is it the loss of pride in changing his mind?
I am reading threads about what happens immediately before an WAS returns hoping to find some insights. Any ideas out there?
When we were goofing around on Monday night, he looked at me and smiled and said "what are you thinking?". I told him, "I promised you I wouldn't bug you and I won't." It lets him know what I am thinking (him coming home)without my bringing the subject up.
But that is getting predictable. The next time he opens that door, I may take a peek inside. I may simply respond that I am trying to figure out what it will take for you to come back home. And then leave it at that.
Well, I'm caught up, I think...still swimming
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
Sure seems like a whole bunch of positives. Could he like an invitation to come home, do you think? Ask and you shall receive? Something real simple and then no elaboration. What are you thinking? I'm thinking it would be nice if you moved back in. I'm thinking how much I'm looking forward to you living here again. Something short and sweet, but gets the point across and maybe prompts a conversation that he is too chicken to start (for whatever reason).
I like your thinking - we think alike. But great minds do - don't they?
So the next time I get the smile and "what are you thinking" I will answer him out loud.
Short and sweet and to the point. Something along the lines of "I'm thinking about how nice it would be for you to live here or move back home"...
I'll work up a line that I am comfortable with and have it ready.
I'm not scared to say anything at this point. I don't want him to become too complacent with our sitch especially with all the that is happening at all hours of the day!
In fact, it has been an act in PATIENCE to stop from saying anything.
Thanks for your support. I'll keep giving as good as I get from you folks!
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
