tired of trying...

[beingreal]

OK, do you feel there;s any truth to these?

I can relate to you in that my W thinks I was controlling. I too thought that once she got a job things would get so much better (It would take a lot of finencial stress off me). She did feel she was a baby sitter and we were room mates raising kids. She thought I didn't do anything around the house.
These are view points fom her. Of course I saw things differently.
My DB coach once said: "Image what it was like for W to be living with you" Try to see their POV.
I have and ahave accepted my wrong doinds. I wish someone would ask her the same question. Maybe she would realize she was at fault too.

Take time for you right now. The sooner you start focusing on you and the things YOU control, it will be better.

GAL, be mysterious, and start doing the things you like to do.

I don't think he hates you. I think he has internal issues that he needs to work on. Right now he is unhappy and showing anger. Don't confuse this with hate.

Treat him like a friend right now.


ttys

I don't know, I think it depends on what your definition of "controlling" is. If it's holding someone accountable for their actions & demanding that the pull their fair share and act like a grownup, then yes, I'm controlling.

I didn't tell him what he could do or who he could do it with. I encouraged him to get out of the house and do things without the kids. I tried to plan date nights just for us. I went without a lot of things (like new clothes and shoes) just so he could finance one of his latest hobbies. I never had a problem with him taking the kids to Michigan to go mushroom hunting with his brother, or camping for a week with the older two boys & his best friend & his kids. I didn't even have a problem with his going to a football game in another state on Christmas Eve one year. A buddy had tickets & was driving--all I asked was that he come home right after to be there for the family events that night.

I'm not tooting my own horn, I was far from the perfect wife, but how many controlling wives don't take issue with their husbands going to a football game on Christmas Eve?

Have you ever seen the movie "The Story of Us" w. Bruce Willis? **I wouldn't recommend it for anyone not planning a reconciliation right this moment** In it they are separated and his wife (Michelle Pfieffer) compares him tot he character in the children's book, "Harold and the Purple Crayon". In that book the little boy has a purple crayon and he draws his world as he wants it to be--not as it is. She says her H is that little boy, only seeing the world as he wants to. She is left being the grownup, the responsible one. All. The. Time. She tells him that she wants a purple crayon every once in a while, too. She wants him to be the grown up every once in a while.

That's kind of how we are right now. Except H has a mean streak to go with it.


A purple sharpie marker and a bad attitude.



That would be funny if it weren't so sad.