My WAW - Chat/Text Msg affair with her ex

[sandi2]

I may not have time to complete my post this morning, but I will get back to finish it at some point.

This is just my opinion, okay? As long as you are not paying for anything she uses to contact OM, then I think you should try to focus on other things. My H tried to "control" certain things to stop me from contacting my OM, and I would find other means of contact. Your W will also, and you really can't control that. By not financing her tools of contact, that shows your stand on disapproval of an open M. What she does on her own (prepaid phones, etc.)is beyound what you can do. Oh, you can try to search her purse to see if she has a phone, etc., but that will lead to more fights and her finding other ways of contact and it does not get her attention "off" the OM...it causes her to focus more on OM. See what I mean? You want her to see the best side of you and to find you attractive. She will not see you attractive if you are acting like the police .

Now, I am not against finding out if the S is in an A, and what's going on. But, to continue to read her messages and spy on her at this point will hurt "you" more than it will her. Unless you have decided to bring her down over this EA and prove a PA to go to court over the kids, etc........then I think you need to back away for now and focus on your plan of DBing. I can talk more about this later.

Your W is cake eating when she goes with you & the kids to DQ, etc. She wants her EA fantasy (and it is the fantasy she is in love with) and she wants the best of her M, too. You need to stop giving her these little "family outings" and make it about you and the children and leave her out of it. For example, you could say, "Come on kids, lets go riding around" and when she asks where you are going, you are vague with your answers. You never, NEVER, lie to her but you just make it a bit mysterous. You say, "Oh,I don't know what all the kids & I may get into". Notice it did not include her. When or if she says she wants to go, you can say....well, I figured you would want some "space" but you are welcome to tag along". That's one example. If she doesn't want to go with you, then fine.....the kids will talk about how much fun they had with daddy.

You need to always have a backup plan for something to do that would keep you from being included in her plans for you. In other words, GAL. If she wants to go to somebody's BD party, say, "Oh, I've already made plans for that time", and when she asks what, you say, "I'm sure you wouldn't be interested in my activities", and you leave her standing there with her face hanging out.

Dan, you have to learn to stop talking so much with her. Stop "explaining" things (expecially what you do) and just give her a look, when she asks questions.\

I have to go to work,but I'll finish later.