Ha ha, no. I am not tempted at all. I've never snooped, truly. (OK, once in high school I stumbled on my sister's diary and read a few entries!) It's not that it's not "nice" (I can be not nice for sure!), but I just don't want to know certain things, I guess. Maybe it's avoiding, but I just don't think I could do it!
This is how much freedom I gave WH: 1) Never snooped. 2) Chick from work (who he made out with later) got him a shirt. I said she should shop for him more. 3) Often I let him to go out without me because I was tired but he wanted to socialize. Okay, well, #2 and #3 happened mostly in the last few months. Before that, we'd had 8 years where we did everything together. So I just totally trusted him.
Isn't that kinda dumb? I can't believe I was so naive and so trusting toward the end. I did get mad at him when he went out to a bar with that chick by themselves. So at least I took that stand.
What my therapist is telling me is that if he ever wants to get back together (and he *might*, 'cause he had it good), he would have to understand that I would be different. That I would ask for more and not give as much. And the WH I know probably couldn't handle that. Plus give to a baby? No. WH was #1 in his life, I jived with that well, and that is probably permanent.
Now onto other things! BTW, I have to say that maybe in a few days I'll remember him in a different light. But this is how I'm remembering him right now, and this is an accurate picture of part of our relationship.
I don't know how much I'm going to like the first 3 months of motherhood. I just don't know. I've always said I'm going to hate the last 3 mos of pregnancy and the first 3 mos of baby stuff. But so far the last 3 of preg aren't that bad. I just hope I can keep "myself" during the newborn stage!
P, I was just looking last night at skin-to-skin contact. I think I'm going to put that in my birth plan: immediate s-t-s contact. So what am I going to wear during the birth, then? I guess layers. . .
