nlt, Sadly for you, Ali is 100% spot on. Take it from someone that back 2-3 years ago was totally in your shoes. I too would not take no for an answer. I too would not take the wonderful advise from those wiser than me. I kept on plugging away so sure that there was still hope for my M. That our love would see us through and we would one day R. Well after more heartache than anyone ever should have to go through, I realized I was wrong and my M was really over. I and everyone that knew us was so convinced that there was not another couple out there that belonged together more that H and I. And maybe that was true once apon a time. But MLC and OW was the very end of that fairy tale. I had to finally accept that and figure out a new life for myself. And I am still working on that. I can look back now though and no longer blame H for all that I went through I know now that if I would have just accepted life on life's terms I would have saved myself, my EX, and my girls so much greif and heartache. And myslelf a criminal record. I tortured myelf. put myself through hell. And in the end it was for nothing. My M had ended April 19, 2007 and I should have accepted.
Please please nlt, accpet and find your way in the new life that God has chosen for you. Please do not let this man (and he is just a man) and the life he has chosen destroy what's left of yours. Find your feet and what really makes you happy. Make the most of every moment and learn to enjoy life again. You never know how much time you have so please please accept life and move on. Luv, TOH
was theotherhalf M43 H43 M22 T25 MLC/OW bomb 4/07 Hmoved out 8/07 D6/09 Still trying to accept and move on...
Thank you so much for posting to me & I know you are both so right!!! And, I'm really trying!! I really am but this just threw me back. There would be no way that I could contact my ex b/c this ow blocks everything. I'm just trying to move forward, I haven't waited on him but I guess in the back of my mind I always thought he would come back, b/c of the love we had for each other.
I know he has been brainwashed, his best friend has been with him & told me that. I resent the fact that you said I was not being Christian about feeling sorry for the baby, I am proud when a baby doesn't have to live in an orphange but to be raised by this woman is not the life I would want for a baby. She is a sociopath, passive aggressive, steals other's husbands & my husband is not the first. I've seen her other kids, not good examples. I would hope that she will be a better parent this time around but she is getting older & the older you get the mental problems get worse. I hope my ex will be a good dad & the child will have a little sense of normal, but then again he is in this mess too.
All the pictures are put away & I don't look at them. Vacation pictures & things are in albums but I never pull them out.
This was just a set back for me & I'm doing ok. I guess I just needed to get on here & vent a little bit.
maybe nlt you NEED to pull out the pictures and the memories. Maybe you NEED to look through everything. Lay it ALL on the table. Cry if you want to, scream, throw things, let it ALL out, write EX a letter. Then...pack it all away. Wipe off your tears, and start anew. Maybe that is what you need to do to get on with your life and put the past in the past.
Blessings to you nlt, TOH
was theotherhalf M43 H43 M22 T25 MLC/OW bomb 4/07 Hmoved out 8/07 D6/09 Still trying to accept and move on...
Only you know when to throw in the towel, only you can make that decision.
The baby thing would have me in a tizzy... I think you're handling it very well. I'm terrified OW will get pregnant - H's XW got 3 kids, I waited and waited to help him with the step kids and we finally started trying when stepkids were old enough, I got pregnant, 3 months in lost the baby, and then boom - bomb... and now he's having unprotected sex with OW.
Anyway, the release recommendation by Oldtheotherhalf may be good, if you go for that type of thing. I wish I could, I hold it all in and that's not good... give it a try if it touches you that it may help. Hugs.
Thank you for the advice! I might think about doing that! I'm not exactly sure I'm ready for that but it is something to think about. I've done a lot of crying already, yes Passenger, that baby thing does have me in a tizzy! But, I cried over the weekend, I cried some today & I think I'm feeling better. I'm still very upset about it of course but I'm going to make it!
I talked to a friend of mine today that has known both me & my ex since before we got married. She knew us when we were dating & she made the comment to me that she thinks he is afraid of ow. Well, that got me thinking & I remember, he was afraid of his 1st wife & she doesn't hold a candle to the woman he is with now. So, she could have a point there.
You know one of my thoughts is not ever seeing him again, that bothers me, like I said we were family, he was my best friend & knew everything about me all my secrets, short comings & all. I really can't stand that thought of not ever seeing him again, so I try not to go there unless it's in the middle of the night & it just pops in my head & then I can't get back to sleep, but I thought marriage was forever, guess I'm just a dreamer. Anyway, I'm better tonight, of course I'm still upset about the whole thing but I'm better. I do have a friend that wants to fix me up with this guy, so I told her I would meet him. When that is going to happen I don't know but at least I'm going to try. I'm not really excited about it b/c I just can't see myself with another man, but you know what, I'm going to go (if she ever gets it set up) & enjoy myself.
Thank you both for posting to me! I really appreciate it!!! You know sometimes you just have to vent!
Be careful about dating. If you honestly (when you look in the mirror and you are honest with yourself) think you are not ready, then you don't want to be dating. If you're not excited about it, think clearly about your reasons for going. Are you trying to "get over" H, or show yourself that you can? Are you ready to date?
Personally, as long as I am M, I will never date and I will wait 1 year before dating after D, but it will likely be longer than a year. You have those met - so think it through clearly. Doesn't sound to me like you're ready, but maybe it's just the way you worded the above.
Great advice!!! Yes, it has been 2 years since the divorce was final. I don't know if I'm ready to date, but I'm ready to get out & have some fun. I really don't think this will be a date, it's mostly just meeting this person. It will be with a group, so I think I'm ready for that. I'm actually ready for a change.
Thank you so much for the advice, my ex married that woman 2 months after our divorce was final, I'm not moving that fast! I was like you, I would never date as long as I was married & besides that, I had to give it time. Part of me still feels like I'm M but that feeling is going further away. It's tough being alone. I have my dog, she is like my child & I enjoy just being with her, but it is time to get out. I will be very careful b/c right now, I have a hard time trusting people, especially after all that I have been thru. If this get together happens, great if it doesn't, no worries.
I may not be ready, I'm just ready to get out a little more.
Just reading what you wrote about your xh "knowing all your secrets, shortcomings & all" and am just wondering how int eh world we will EVER be able to TRUST anyone again?
Go out, have fun! But...take it soooo slow!!!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Sounds like it will be fun then! Good luck and I hope you have a blast! Totally get the trust thing, but don't let it stop you in the future. Not all people are untrustworthy, just half of them. (joking)
Yes, totally agree! I told a friend of mine that the other day, that I don't trust anyone anymore! I totally feel betrayed b/c I'm sure he has told ow so many things that was meant for only him to know. That hurts! Plus, during our d he tried to make me out the bad person, not so - it was him feeling guilty & I know that now, but still I don't know what he told her. Right now it doesn't matter, she is such a terrible person, he will eventually see, if he doesn't already.
It's going to be very hard, I know not all people are like this but it's going to take some time.
I haven't heard anymore from my friend that wants me to meet this guy, but that's ok. Just one day at a time.
Hugs.