My WAW - Chat/Text Msg affair with her ex

[Dan1977]

Sandi, I am so ready to listen to advice. This morning I grew a set and blocked his number. She didn't like it and she let me know it and I stuck to my guns and let her know that I do not live in an open marriage and she is betraying her family. We sent several texts (I went back to work for first time in a week) back and forth with her trying to throw in the towel. When I got home, I didn't get sucked into her attempt to try to argue with her. I was just playing with my kids and they are gravitating to me and she doesn't like it one bit. I think they can sense it and they want to play with their daddy more.

She talked to me some about what is going on and she told me how she is the type of person that when told what to do, she wants to do the opposite. If I control her, then she wants to do it even more. We talked back and forth about her feelings for about 15 minutes and she settled down, and we went to Pizza Hut and Dairy Queen and had a real nice time together with the kids...I thought. I came home to mow the grass, and she has just found another way to contact him through Facebook mobile. I have a keylogger on the computer, so I could see the content of their chat session. She told him how I was blocking his number but she will find another way around it and how she missed talking to him. My wife has turned into a complete liar over this.

So what's my next move?? Today I wasn't much of a pushover with her and I let her know she is the one screwing this up. She tried to convince me we should plan a nice family vacation this summer with the kids and cancel our Jamaica trip (which seems impossible that were going now and half of it's non-refundable). I told her I wasn't even in the mood to start thinking about any kind of vacation with her. I asked her how the hell does she want to plan a family vacation when she doesn't want a family, and then we'll go and they will be upset they will never have that again. She told me I pull all the strings and we always do what I want and called me an [censored]. I told her I was fully prepared to go on these vacations before she started having an affair on me and she is dictating everything we can and can't do because of this affair. She is trying to redirect it back at me like I'm to blame that she's in this text messaging/internet chat affair, and even beyond that because they have met up on several occasions at the bars.

Should I attempt to completely block all communications with this guy, block Facebook, other websites etc...or should I just try and do my own thing and work on myself? I've been working out, lost 25 lbs and am getting in really good shape (originally we were trying to get our beach bods for Jamaica). So I'm working on my physical aspects, but I need help on what personality characteristics I should display that would redirect her attention. At this point I'm ready to do whatever because she has obviously turned into a full blown lying cheating spouse that doesn't respect family values anymore. I am going to see a lawyer soon, but I know if it goes the divorce path, she will get the kids the majority of the time which will kill me. I can't stand only seeing my kids on the weekends. Thats like 200 days of the year I won't see my kids, and I'm sorry but that is a weak spot for me. Does anyone know if men actually get some preferential treatment in a situation where the wife is having an affair? I have supported her for 6 years now, she never had to work, she stayed at home with our kids, I paid for everything 100% since we've met, bought her a nice car, she never had to worry about money. I'm afraid I'll get so screwed because she won't have a job, car, place to stay, a way to take care of our children and I'll pay through the nose for child support, all because she cheated on me. Ultimately I don't even want to go down that path and I just want this guy to fade away and we live happily ever after, but I know that is a fairytale and it seems like that is farther and farther out of my grasp everyday.

I'm pro marriage and I want to save mine, should I call one of these Divorce Busting Coaches to get some help? I feel like I'm at DefCon 5 here, and I was so tempted to confront her about her little chat session with OM while I was mowing, but I didn't, I held back. I want to believe her so bad and she seemed geniune earlier in the day about how she wants to work on us, and then part of her does not and I see her messages to him. This guy is married too, or he was, not sure if he's split yet and he claims to be a devout Christian man. My ass, if he had a shred of geniune decency about him, he'd leave a married woman with two little kids alone.

Please help ! =(