Educating people on the fence can work in your favour .. I just don't know about the wording...
"I came across on the web" sounds way to flighty.
You need to come down hard and certain that this affair is destructive behaviour. I am certain this guy can find something else on the web that says affairs are perfectly ok...
"I want you to understand how marital therapists deal with infidelity - they don't ignore it - they reccomend speaking up just as if the partner is drinking too much or gambling their life savings away... this paper is from a professional who deals with this every day - and I can find many more from other family therapists that will tell you the same thing"
That sounds more confident than "I found this on the web"
You can close with "I respect your right to an opinion, but I have a marriage to protect and its my responsability to ensure everyone's opinion is an INFORMED ONE."
I would like to discuss this further with you if you would like to know how you can help... I have left my number on the article, I won't pressure you further if you don't call it.
I made my WH expose to his family-I said that I wanted him to tell them or I would. He did...tried to romanticize that he "couldn't help falling in love" with OW and "never wanted to hurt me" and said I "did nothing wrong." (I found this out from his SIL.
The OW's mom supports her (barf!) and she is divorced.
About work- just found out that my SIL's neighbor works in the same place...amd visiting my SIL today. She thinks her neighbor knows nothing because she is the kind of person to say things out right and hasn't said anything to SIL. Hmmm...wonder what would happen if she found out?
Now my silver lining is if he ends the A, then I feel like there is a better chance of R because he has been able to live out his fantasy with this long term A.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Piano,Allen has articulated your response beautifully.I would suggest you manage your expectations at zero in terms of a response but at keast you have said your piece and made your views clear.Its enough to plant seeds which may grow as your H relationship evolves and then starts to go down hill rapidly.It will be a different sitch when the baby arrives..it will freak th ow out big time, her security will be compromised and your H wont know where he is therefore your timing is good in tems of comms with the friend...good luck
If they are a decent human being they will support you.I have to say how disgusted I am at the number of people who finds excuses for these sorry son of a b*****s who have R outside their marriages...
ME 44 H 45 D 14 D 20 M 22 YEARS TOGETHER 28YEARS Bomb Drop 14th July 09 Seperated-living with OW 10mths(14/07/09) MLC 3years
Silence wasn't golden in this marriage; it was deadly," Dr. Robin L. Smith
Most people unfortunately aren't educated well on how to handle this.. its a big unknown... Many people are told to be faithful in a marriage, BUT there isn't much education on how third parties should handle themselves when they get wind of an affair brewing...
I honeslty don't know anyone who was educated on how to handle that... most of it you learn in high school... and the norm there seems to be to support your friends first and otherwise be discrete
Yes your right Allen however these people generally know right from wrong and moving in on another family and raping everything that is a family unit doesnt need teaching.I know I am speaking to the converted on this.Its back to earlier..punish them.I have so much hatred for the OW in my sitch, that I believe I could do her serious harm and thats so against my nature..but shes not worth it. The power of the the friends and family is not to be under estimated.
ME 44 H 45 D 14 D 20 M 22 YEARS TOGETHER 28YEARS Bomb Drop 14th July 09 Seperated-living with OW 10mths(14/07/09) MLC 3years
Silence wasn't golden in this marriage; it was deadly," Dr. Robin L. Smith
Talk about uneducated... Friends housing WAH have just replied after I sent them the Tupy article "love as an excuse for infidelity" saying that I should stop obesessing about the A and the OW 'cos she's not the problem, my marriage was!
Piano they are swines..I would send a polite email back saying that you are disappointed that they will not support the recovery of your M.Your focus has been purely on your relationship with your H and your desire to work towards being a family.Whilst it appears they have perhaps been mislead, you are now clear on their position.
Concentrate on the people who you know will support you.Your H will be making up all sorts of stories to justify his behaviour..it will come back and bite him on the a***.Less than 1% of these relationships last and when you have your beautiful baby, he will have nothing...how anyone can make an excuse for an A is beyond me..no matter what space any marriage is in, chosing to have an A is the cowards way out..You Piano have the power and will retain your power.Continue to be a lady and hold your head high.
ME 44 H 45 D 14 D 20 M 22 YEARS TOGETHER 28YEARS Bomb Drop 14th July 09 Seperated-living with OW 10mths(14/07/09) MLC 3years
Silence wasn't golden in this marriage; it was deadly," Dr. Robin L. Smith
Talk about uneducated... Friends housing WAH have just replied after I sent them the Tupy article "love as an excuse for infidelity" saying that I should stop obesessing about the A and the OW 'cos she's not the problem, my marriage was!
I got this same line from some friends. After a couple of years I've come to understand it as just an excuse to place blame elsewhere and not support the family.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
