He's in there, but you have to decide if he's worth the work...
You have to be brutally honest with yourself. I will warn you.. He has a LOT of growing up to do.
Part of why Tuppy reccomends a protection phase is to protect you from seeing how BAD he can get... to remember his potential rather than turning away when he's at his worst.
If you walk out and find a new home for example, and invite his kids to stay with you until he's grown up, you won't have to see how horrible he will get... if you stay there and keep pursuing him you will get very ill and lose a LOT more respect for him.
It's though seeing your spouse at their worst because it allows doubt to creep in.
The affair is consuming him... along with the alcohol... and yes he and OW likely sound very much alike right now... both using the same script most addicts do...
I need this I want this It's good for me I don't have a problem I'm not hurting anybody Everyone treats me horribly I can't go back I can't deal with that nightmare at home It's everyone else's fault...
I imagine she's selling the same story to anyone who will listen.
You need to assess the amount of work involved in turning this around and asking yourself if you are willing and able to do it.
It's a very tough choice...
But, the easiest route is to just go into protection phase and NOT divorce. Move out to a new home he's not in, invite his kids to stay there as long as they want. HE is not welcome until he stops cheating.
You live life as a single married mom and shut him out entirely... Keep exposing his affair and your objectives to anyone who asks...
YOu can life a full life for six months to a year outside of him .. you don't NEED him to complete you right now... so you don't need to decide.
The most important thing is to protect yourself from him for NOW so you can live a full life and he isn't holding you back at all.. Right now while in the same home he's holding you BACK.
It's very difficult to pull this sort of thing off living in the same home as someone addicted to an affair... It's do-able but you may lose your sanity in the process.. is it worth it?
