Calling all affair annihilators & boundary setters

[courts0818]

I think we are allowed to post stuff like this...
Below is a link where you can watch the service at my church this past weekend. It has a lot of music (which I love).

When I REALLY tuned in and listened to the words of the pastor and words in the songs, it gave me comfort and helped me to feel better about the mess that my marriage currently is - especially towards the end of the service.

I attend an amazing church where the messages are totally relevant to life today. It's definitely an upbeat, innovative, rocking church where the arts are really important. And although my church is very contemporary, it's also completely biblical based.

I left service feeling good. It was just the encouragement I needed, when I needed it. I'm so thankful for my church - it is often my rock when I feel broken and need faith more than anything.

I think I also connected with this service bc I love the song, "Broken" by Lifehouse (from the Time Traveler’s Wife). That song has very special meaning to me. On our last anniversary, I sent it to my husband bc it was EXACTLY the way I felt. It was totally pursuing him, but I was emotional on our anniversary and I just wanted to express how I felt.

Just thought I'd share. If you are anything like me, you can use all the encouragement you can get.

Here's the link to the service
http://gccwired.com/streampagenew.asp?pageID=174

And here's a link to the song, "Broken"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axPlLqLmSUw

These are the lyrics to the song:
The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
And I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
And I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain (In the pain) there's the healing
In your name (In your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hanging on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I would, would be ok

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain (In the pain) there is healing
In your name (In your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin)
I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you

What we all need to remember is this….If you heart is broken, you’ll find God right there. Psalm 34:18

Hugs....

[courts0818]

I also LOVE this song by Casting Crows, Slow Fade. It tears me up, but I find comfort and peace through music - especially through Christian music/bands.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QASREBVDsLk

Lyrics
Be careful little eyes what you see
It's the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings
Be careful little feet where you go
For it's the little feet behind you that are sure to follow

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
It's a slow fade, it's a slow fade

Be careful little ears what you hear
When flattery leads to compromise, the end is always near
Be careful little lips what you say
For empty words and promises lead broken hearts astray

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day

The journey from your mind to your hands
Is shorter than you're thinking
Be careful if you think you stand
You just might be sinking

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
Daddies never crumble in a day
Families never crumble in a day

Oh be careful little eyes what see
Oh be careful little eyes what you see
For the Father up above is looking down in love
Oh be careful little eyes what you see

Goodness, this song and the video is my life right now.

[courts0818]

And just one more, if you have ever wondered why God would let you feel the pain you are feeling check out...

Josh Wilson, "Before the Morning"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qG1ThtgguE

Lyrics
Do you wonder why you have to
Feel the things that hurt you
If there’s a God who loves you where is He now

Maybe there are things you can’t see
And all those things are happening
To bring a better ending

Someday somehow you’ll see you’ll see

Would you dare would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming
So hold on you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

My friend you know how this all ends
You know where you’re going
You just don’t know how you’ll get there
So say a prayer

And hold on cause there’s good for those who love God
But life is not a snapshot
It might take a little time but you’ll see the bigger picture

Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory

It’s just the hurt before the healing
Oh the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

[courts0818]

Okay, back to the normal business...

H was pretty much here all weekend. I was lazy and feeling blah so I was home most of the day/evening with him on Saturday. And after he left on Sunday, I decided to send him the following text. I just needed to say SOMETHING about his A, bc I really haven't said anything or asked any questions. I read a good portion of Not Just Friends and I did a lot of thinking. This is what I said.

"I'm really tried of watching DD be sad (she gets sad when he leaves). And I just thought I would let you know that if you have ANY continued contact (calls, texts, emails, meet ups, etc) with your A partner I will absolutely be done. I will file for divorce and will not think twice about it".

And he just recently texted me this, "So you still need space or do I get to move back in? And will you even be happy?"

And I should say what back?????

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Say either nothing, or "I'm afraid it's no longer than easy." (and then say nothing to whatever his reply is)

Puppy

[pearlharbr]

Yes, ^^^ this.

What bothers me, courts, is that you still get in a tizzy every time H says something about moving back in. Just because he mentions it doesn't mean you have to agree or even respond.

I thought you were going to be gone when H comes over to spend time with D3. You need to take a step back and put the focus on you, not on H. Stop letting him control this sitch. It's your life, you make the decisions about what you want.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Yes, ^^^ this.

What bothers me, courts, is that you still get in a tizzy every time H says something about moving back in. Just because he mentions it doesn't mean you have to agree or even respond.

I thought you were going to be gone when H comes over to spend time with D3. You need to take a step back and put the focus on you, not on H. Stop letting him control this sitch. It's your life, you make the decisions about what you want.

And "this ^^^" -- right back atcha, Pearl!!

Puppy

[courts0818]

I know, PH. That's why I posted on here. Trust me, in the past I would have zipped a text immediately right back to him. He sent me that text before 6 tonight and I still haven't replied. I just wanted some feedback for if/when I do.

It is hard bc it's what I've wanted for so long, but I know I can't rush it.

Yep, I should be leaving when he's here and I typically do. I was just not feeling it this weekend so I pretty much chilled here at home - away from him in my room.



Thank you guys for the support. : )

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Courts,

If you still haven't replied to that text, then go ahead now and reply back with the 2nd approach:

"I'm afraid it's no longer that easy."

And then DON'T reply to whatever response he sends you.

Puppy

[courts0818]

I sent him that this morning. I got this back, "I didn't say it would be easy but if you don't think things can be worked out then why try is all I'm saying. I don't like to see DD sad so I've been doing what I can to make up".

What about making up with MEEEEEEEE?