Yes. Listen to BND. Don't just accept what she's throwing your way.
I've dreaded going to the mailbox since the beginning of February. I've had several days where things were going well ... and then a letter from the lawyer.
I've been next to useless at work as well. Fortunately, I have 13 years in as a stellar performer so they are cutting me a lot of slack.
Do you have any real reason to think the M can be saved? If not, why not have your L propose a settlement conference and just get the damn thing over with? Do you want to spend the next several months sitting in hearings or status calls fighting over every little thing?
I was sitting in court, waiting for the temporary order hearing to start when my L proposed the conference instead. I don't know if it's possible, but I'm hoping to NEVER have to sit in court with STBXW. I just don't think I'd be able to keep it together.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
Suzy, CTH, thanks for the info, it's much appreciated!
CTH, I don't think there's any reason or hope for my M given her resolve and how she's moving forward. Like you I too would like for us to be back together but I don't think it's going to happen.. The court order has a date for parenting education/mediation and says I HAVE to appear for it. I didn't know that I could propose a settlement conference. I thought that was what mediation was? I really don't want to sit through the hearings and stuff.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Like BND said, every state is different. However I think in most cases if a temporary order is filed identifying Child Support and custody arrangements, then you will begin paying the child support once the order if filed and must follow the custody arrangements stipulated in the order. This often becomes the basis for the permanent decree, so if something looks unreasonable in the temporary order you would be wise to notify your L and object to it and try to agree on more reasonable terms.
Thanks guys, I appreciate all your input. Today was one of the hardest days for me. It really hit me hard and took everything out of me.
Honestly I don't know what I'd do without your guys input and support, thank you.
Last edited by StupidRomeo; 04/27/1001:24 AM.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
hey, I've been really busy, just wanted to send hugs to you...I know this is hard, I could not imagine, but you have lots of support and don't lose sight of the Lord, he will pull you thru.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Just catching up with your posts today. Yeah, this really sucks.
I'll tell you this; when I was served, W's lawyer set up court dates immediately. It was the same deal. There was a mandatory mediation date, and then the court date that followed. They sent you that stupid questionare too, right? We're both in CA buddy, I've been there. And I remember how it felt. And yes, I posted all about it back in August.
I was able to talk W into cancelling the state mediation and court dates, and in a months-long process talked her into a cooperative process. Originally it was going to be with both of our lawyers (who incidentally got along like a couple of - um - bad metaphors, that's the best I can do tonight), and then we decided to hire a mediator that worked for both of us.
I don't know man, it was really tricky, but if you think she'll listen at all, suggest hiring your own mediator instead of going through the courts. Tell her it will be less expensive and if you can work together, you won't be stuck with something that the judge decides.
From what I can tell from your posts, you guys are at least amicably talking, if I'm getting this right. Do you think she can see reason here?
Guys - the work thing - sheesh. The day after W asked for D, I went to my manager and asked for a reduction in job scope (I was managing a team of about 30 engineers in addition to project management responsibilities). At the time it was because one of W's main complaints was my work demands. So, we made that change, but still my job performance tanked. Like you guys are describing, I was distracted, useless, most days I had barely slept and could not concentrate. Happily, my managers were very supportive. We just went through performance reviews, and the general takeaway was, bad year dude, but we know why, no permanant career damage, you're back on track now, time to rebuild.
It's hard to give advice here because it is what it is. Having general high performace over my career, I came face to face with the fact that I have limitations. This situation just knocked me on my a$$, and that was that. So. 1) Talk to who you need to talk to at your job, know where you stand, hopefully you'll get the support you need; and 2) keep it together as much as you can, because (as GIMA told me) the alternative is not pretty.
SR, what else? Like I said, I'm in CA too. (And obviously, talk to your lawyer)
Bill, thanks for the info. Are you on the alt? I'd like to ask a couple of questions. Thanks.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
