how do i keep my hope alive?

[Vulcanized]

thanks for the helpful and thoughtful words, ruined. it hurts thinking that my H is potentially sexually involved with someone else when we haven't even signed anything and his reasoning behind our separation has never been that he wanted to see someone else...but i realise that his actions are beyond my control and i can't let myself waste energy on worrying about it. i'm dealing with things my way, he needs to deal with things his way.

Exactly. Despite that knowledge, the heart kicks, screams & fights it. It kills me that my H decided that I was going to be celebate, but he sure wasn't.

i have actually hooked up with 2 people since being separated (i haven't slept with anyone, just fooled around - ha! i feel like a teenager saying that!), and like you, i felt horribly guilty, which tells me i'm not ready for that yet. the attention and flirting is nice, and certainly distracts me, but...right now my focus is me moving forward, and i don't want to move forward with a guilty conscience, no matter WHAT my H is doing or not doing.

I second that!

i certainly don't want to pull this OM into the drama of my life right now...i had hoped we could exchange friendly emails from time to time, but even that he seems unresponsive to. i think he is cautious about getting wrapped up in my drama, so i can respect that and not approach him until i know i'm ready. i just hope he isn't married and has 3 children by then.

That is all you can do. It is unfair & unreasonable to expect OM to deal w/all our drama/baggage/crazy, etc. Stinks, but the song remains the same.

i'm hopeful this week will be better than the one before it...this burden in my heart is getting hard to carry around!

It will. Every new day gets you closer to being healed. Every new day, the load lightens.