when you planned to file for a divorce and end your marriage completely, didn't you expect this?
No one should expect to wake up one morning and not have a dime in the bank...I have 2 boys and my H did this exact same thing to me...I didn't make any decisions until 3 months after that...He should still be held financially responsible for his children regardless of who he is sticking it in.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Please call your L ASAP if you haven't done so yet. You must protect yourself and your kids if this was deliberate- even if it wasn't, since you're financially dependent on him, it's worth asking "what if he does this for real?" if it was a mistake this time.
He can't do this to you--
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
IDU - you are so right about prayers! "I know they help"
CG - I am listening to you 100%. You are amazing.
OT- yes I saw this coming and not from the other night. I just knew my soon to be X had it in him to stoop so low. It is disheartening this is about control - he wants to control me.
Serenity - I'm sorry your H abandoned you financially. There is no excuse for that.
I just want to let you guys know there is no banking error. He stopped the automated deposit of his check. I talked to him this morning. I said, why did you do this? he replied, "I don't trust you." LMAO...he doesn't trust me? he is the one who has cheated..lied...betrayed...withdrawn and abandoned me AND the kids!
Luv is OUT
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
Wow. He doesn't trust YOU? That's priceless. I get a lot of "I don't trust you" messages, too, and have often wondered if he's projecting onto me what I should be thinking of him. Though I have different circumstances than you and he hasn't given me those same big reasons to not trust him like yours has.
So, is his plan to just cut you off financially or what?? I'd love to hear what he's planning- or how he tried to explain that one to you. He must care (?) somewhat about the kids- doesn't he know a move like this hurts them as much as you?
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
She should also expect that cutting the emotional need strings between her and him will hurt, regardless of who does it or how.
Of course cutting emotional ties with your spouse hurts. I don't think anybody would disagree. Luv cutting emotional ties with him was a direct result of his multiple affairs and his stated lack of desire to (A) stop the affairs and (B) consider working on the marriage. In addition, Mr. Luv has been very nasty to his children for the past few months and went as far as to tell one of them he no longer cared about her (her = daughter). Mr. Luv went out to play basketball for NINE hours then came home and cruelly threw his "dirty clothes" in Luv's laundry pile that were covered in women's makeup. As I said, I understand sometimes we make comments based off the facts that are presented but as you know, sometimes for certain reasons the poster doesn't post all the facts for personal reasons.
The emotional side of a potential divorce does not give one party the right to abuse or withhold finances just because they are pissed off. For close to two decades Mr. Luv has been the primary breadwinner and CHOSE to support his wife and three children. If Mr. Luv is mad, upset or anything else that is fine and certainly something that could be addressed but cutting off your family and leaving them without a dime for food is not appropriate (and against the law). The emotional reaction one spouse may have should have nothing to do with obligations they have chosen to take on for two decades.
If Luv or one of her children got sick or hurt today or in the coming days she would be sh*t out luck. Once her gas tank is empty she no longer has transportation. Monthly bills are coming up in a few days. And when you examine it all, due to banking policy and procedures, this was planned at least 3 weeks ago all w/o a peep to Luv.
So, no, nobody should expect to be hurt in a way that involves not being able to eat or have a roof over their head without the proper litigation to determine who will be responsible for what.
There is an emotional process when a couple splits but there also is a legal process and one can't bypass the legal process just to be an a-hole. Well, they can but they will be reprimanded and that is exactly what Mr. Luv can expect.
Sorry to hear of the most recent financial development. you have your financial ducks in a row as we discussed last month, his reaction while unfortunate, is not unexpected or unplanned by you, it just happened a few weeks sooner than you anticipated.
A gate has been opened.. now implement your plan.. now is not the time for emotions, although I know it's tempting and easy to to... it's time for action. Use your lamaze breathing.. work through the pain & birth this baby. You've done it before .. you can do it again.
In my former state of residence, in your papers for filing for divorce you can request IMMEDIATE & TEMPORARY spousal support & child support, I would anticipate the same in Cali? He may have removed the current means of support from easy access, but he knows he can't get by with it for long,
I was also told that debt incurred because of lack spousal support can be assigned to the other party in the divorce settlement, so as was suggested earlier.. keep meticulous receipts and use your joint and/or individual credit cards to make payments & support yourself & your kids.
he is trying to intimidate you & get the upper hand through fear... you have the means & where with all to calmly walk around that ploy. put on the big girl panties
snap & l8r bridge
Last edited by Bridgestone; 04/26/1007:51 PM.
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
CG - he was out on a saturday getting a 7 hour haircut and came home with face makeup on his jersey. AND yes Mr. Luv has been nasty to his children too...especially on his drunken nights. I agree if the M is over there is no reason to be ugly. He has chosen the ugly way. It just erases everything that used to be good about what used to be called...my husband
Bridge - leave it up to you to come by and let me know how it really is. I hate to put on big girl panties but will do! and oh, btw I don't know what labor feels like I had 3 c-sections. I'll take labor pain over this kind of pain any day!!!
Thank you girls....
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
I know you are very nervous and that is okay but please know it will all be okay. It will.
It is very hurtful and beyond stressful (understatement of the year) when people act like total beasts just because they think they can. The important thing is not to react to him (I know you know this!) and do what you have to do for you.
If you have to wear big girl panties be sure they are cute ones!
this is about control - he wants to control me.