The countdown continues

[Gardener]

Awoken,

Hey Gardener,I read a good part of of it last night, and again thanks for the recommendation of a great book.

I'd pass your thanks on to whoever it was that suggested it to me, but I forget who that was. hoosiermama, possibly.

I'm not sure where I am in those five stages, and I suspect I'm cycling rapidly through some of them right now.

I understand. I'm still kind of in withdrawal and internalizing the rejection. Waiting for the rage to kick in.

Three things really grabbed me when I first began reading it:
1) Abandoned spouses exhibit/experience almost all the symptoms of PTSD.
2) Just the name of the first stage/reaction: Shattered. "Exactly!", I kept shouting out loud even though I was, obviously, alone.
3) Susan Anderson says that in twenty-five years, she has seen that - to a man - there is a total inability to give anyone an abbreviated version of their sitch: they all are almost compelled to tell the entire blow-by-blow story. almost to validate the very real trauma they feel. "Oh, good! I'm not crazy," I thought as I read that!.

[Awoken]

they all are almost compelled to tell the entire blow-by-blow story. almost to validate the very real trauma they feel. "Oh, good! I'm not crazy," I thought as I read that!.

Oh YES! I've experienced this. And even as I talk to them, I can see them gather the patience they need. It's one of the reasons that it's often better coming here and letting it out. I don't have as much a need to vent in my immediate world.

It also makes hearing others stories so much easier. When we met, you tried to apologize for talking so much, but honestly it was an easy thing for me to listen for a change, and then of course I did talk my share.

"Oh good! I'm not crazy" pretty much sums it up.

[FindingMyVoice]

Hi Awoken, just thought I'd stop by to say hello and see how you're doing? Sounds like you've got some great advice and a helpful book in the last few days.

[Awoken]

This is my week with the kids, and S14! had a concert last night. I rescheduled my last lesson just that I could be there, and of course bring him home after wards.

Traffic was bad, and by the time I got there the parking lot was entirely full. There was only one spot left, and it was next to W's minivan! As I got out of the car, our german shepherd, the one pet that she took with her, jumps up to her window and barks hello at me. The windows are up, so I couldn't pet him. As I left for the concert, he kept barking his lonely plea. It surprised me that I felt a rush of grief for him I hadn't quite felt before. So it goes.

W was huddled against the back wall of the auditorium furiously typing at her black berry. I got a front row seat with my new camera. S14 played several improvised solos, and surprised me by playing some stuff I just taught him last week! It was great for me and I was grinning ear from ear.

After the concert, D17 met me in the lobby saying that her mom asked her to come to pick up S14 since she didn't know if I would be there. Of course I would be there! This I don't understand, why couldn't she just send me a text message?

This morning there were a bunch more emails from W complaining about our communication, and other stuff. She did finally reply to the proposed agreement, line by line. Some of what she said doesn't make any sense, and is plainly self-contradictory. This isn't really like her, this confused state. We are both in trauma, and I'm sure I'm confused too. I'm trying to keep the emotions out of the deal, which is hard when I'm worried that she wants to take S14 across the country.

What I really want to do, is work more on myself, and less on the divorce.

[Awoken]

Hi PG!

You know, I've been re-reading through your thread today, and thinking about your goal setting. I've been so occupied with divorce and the depth of my W's betrayal, that I've gotten far away from goals and GAL. I'm taking good care of my kids, but I really need to take better care of myself.

Remember when you first got here how you weren't even sure you belonged on this forum? Reading your threads are really good for me, so thank you!

[FindingMyVoice]

Remember when you first got here how you weren't even sure you belonged on this forum? Reading your threads are really good for me, so thank you!

Hey that's so sweet of you to say! I still feel a little out of place and know I don't have the frame of reference to comment on a lot of situations here, so thanks - it's so reassuring to know I can still be of help to others here. And I'm really happy to hear you're recognizing the need to take good care of yourself. What types of things are you planning? I always enjoy hearing of others GAL lists. (of course, only if that's not too personal...don't want to be a nosy nelly!)

[FindingMyVoice]

I got a front row seat with my new camera. S14 played several improvised solos, and surprised me by playing some stuff I just taught him last week! It was great for me and I was grinning ear from ear.

Yay! Three cheers for you both! You must have been SO proud!

[Gardener]

Awoken,

S14 played several improvised solos, and surprised me by playing some stuff I just taught him last week! It was great for me and I was grinning ear from ear.

Alright, proud Dad!!!

I'm trying to keep the emotions out of the deal, which is hard when I'm worried that she wants to take S14 across the country.

Am I wrong in my belief that most states do not allow this?

[FindingMyVoice]

Hi Awoken, just wanted to see how your weekend was, and how you're doing.

[Awoken]

I'm trying to keep the emotions out of the deal, which is hard when I'm worried that she wants to take S14 across the country.

Am I wrong in my belief that most states do not allow this?

In my state, at age 14 the child can choose. I'm worried that she is working the angle, and working it hard. He may choose just to escape the situation here. It may be that my very pessimistic side is coming out here, that I'm making a catastrophe out of the situation.

Still, W doesn't appear to have any understanding of the law and may be trying to do it anyway, which will still cause lots of harm just the same: pulling on the kids heartstrings.