Isn't it sad that it takes something like this to wake us up? I never once thought that the seemingly small problems in our M would lead to anything like this.
I still have some self doubt: what if she's telling the truth, what if she and the super are just friends? Could I be overreacting? Are my insecurities making me think something more is going on here than there really is?
Then, I try to look at it from a different point of view. If we were dating, would she act this way? If it was all a mistake and there were no "feelings" between her and super, she would do everything she could to repair the M. I know that is not necessarily true, either. My mind goes 'round and 'round trying to make sense of it all. You can't make sense of it and I need to quit trying. I have the evidence that I need and I know something is going on that is not right. It doesn't matter how it started, how much is my fault, she is the one who has decided that she is doing nothing wrong and I am being unreasonable. It's all my fault and none of it is hers. She doesn't love me anymore and all the spew out of her mouth is just garbage; justification for her actions that make no sense. Her story changes to fit her mood at the time. SPEW!
Okay, enough rambling. I have to stick to my plan, such as it is. I don't let her be an a$$ for no good reason without calling her out on it. I have told her it is disrespectful to stay out and not call and she can just stay where she is. I know, the next step is to lock her out of the house. I AM ready to do this. The last couple of months she has come home at a normal time, this month it was back to 1:30 am and she couldn't understand why I was upset. I have talked to a lawyer. I guess she was just lulling me to sleep. I have to stop settling for the little bread crumbs she will sometimes leave me.
The crumbs mean nothing. I have been doing many things right and am in a better state of mind. I just need to put all of them together and do what I need to do.
