Piecing with PATIENCE

[imalright]

totite,

Just dropping by to see how you are doing!

Deb

[totite]

HI there. I'm sorry that I haven't been around much the past week or so. The project that I am consulting on is heating up and I have been working on it at all hours.

Yesterday had to do a radio show at 7:30 a.m. so asked H to come over to get kids up and take to child care. Then I joked that he should stay over night. Tuesday he came over late and actually stayed all night . What fun!

Then yesterday after I left for radio gig, he called to say provider was ill and closed. He took day off and stayed with S3 and then S5 after school. So I was able to continue on with my project work. This is also a very busy time for him at work, but he made the sacrifice for me - . He even did laundry while here and patched the sheetrock where I took the wall down.

Called him to say thanks late last night as I didn't see all that while he was still here. Then asked about annual tree cutting outing on Saturday. He hadn't talked to his friends about it and said that he had made other plans. I was shocked and said as much since we have gone every year since we dated (and he even proposed to me on the eve of one so we could share our news with everyone at it). I mentioned that kids have also asked about it because they too look forward to it and that they would be disappointed as well.

Anyway, he said he would call his friend and find out if it is Saturday. If it is he said he would change his plans (helping someone build a shed) so we can go.

Tonight we are going to Disney on Ice as a family. We got comp tickets from my brother's work. Should be fun.

So, while he hasn't made any move toward home as his living place, I think he is taking baby steps in this direction don't you?

PATIENCE PATIENCE PATIENCE.......

[Dagny]

Oh yeah, lots of baby steps!

Took off work to stay with kids as knew what you were doing was important to you.

Stayed the night.

Did stuff around the house, to help you.

Listened to your dissapointment and reasons and is willing to change his plans to please you with the tree.

Whole lot of good, going on. As everyone is telling me, and sadly I ignored it, take is slowlee!

Jackie

[totite]

Thanks Jackie. Hi everyone else who has stopped by.

I just need to spill some thoughts and feelings so this could ramble a bit....

Last night we went to Disney on Ice as a family. Free tix from my brother and the kids had fun. I even managed to sit next to H. They made an announcement that there would be moments of darkness and I joked with him that he never could know what might happen in the dark

Today, H called to find out how much s3 preschool will cost next fall. Told him an estimate, then asked why. He was making corrections to his benefits and said we were dropping child care for kids. I gently reminded him that this is something he said we would talk about and not something he should decide without talking about it with me. Needless to say it is a done deal and I have to give notice on Monday.

I really am okay with this and it will remain to be seen how my consulting goes with the kids around. Luckily I have 3 grandparents within a few miles and all have said they can help me out. I hope he realizes that he may have to pitch in more with their care at times like he did on Wednesday.

Well, anyway, come next fall two of the three kids will be in school full time and one will be in preschool a few mornings. Not that it helps with meetings and such, but I will get some quality time on the computer and phone uninterupted. Now I just have to make no child care work until next September!

Well, we will see what this weekend brings. H said he hadn't heard any more about the tree cutting and was planning to go help finish the shed he is building. I am really disappointed by this but can't control it so have to try to let it go. I also have to deal with kids disappointment - not him.

H is stopping by tonight to look at hardwood samples I picked up. One place said they could install it the week after next. That means it could be in for the holidays! Yipee!

I may even order the carpet too. That would make the whole house redecorating done except the two bathrooms, which just need paint in one and paint and a border in the other. Not too bad!

So the rollercoaster continues. I think it sucks that he doesn't think this affects everyone, especially this time of the year. But I have learned that I can't tell him like that because he doesn't get it.

I got the kid's picture taken yesterday for the holiday card. Now I just have to figure out how it will be signed when it goes out in the mail. And I think I am going to abandon the mini-letter that I usually insert.

So, just trying to keep the PMA up and keep the supply of PATIENCE at a maximum!

Also, hope to catch up with everyone else's sitch over the weekend.

Thanks for listening!

[psluke]

Hi totite,

Just droping in real quick. Sounds like there are some baby steps and some back steps.

I'm not doing my letters with cards either but not sure how to sign the darn cards.

But PMA UP!

[Dagny]

Hi Totite,

I agree, at this stage they can't see that their actions impact everyone else, and bringing it up does no good. I've been reminded recently to not act defensively, and it really does help. Not sure how to deal with my own anger when he is being self-centered, but I know it does disappear quicker if I don't fuel it.

Christmas card issue is weird, I always wrote a little chatty letter that I put in the cards, this year I made the cards on the computer with a picture of the kids, a little saying and then signed it with just our surname--- ie The Smiths and let it go at that. Let them all wonder, I don't know who knows and who doesn't, but should get me through the weirdness of this and I'll worry about next year when it comes. I sent it to the normal list, I included all H's family.

Your attitude sounds amazing, you are taking all his curve balls with such grace, good for you.

So, did you get to go for the tree?

Jackie

[imalright]

I agree the Christmas card issue was something for me to deal with. Some know and some don't. So like you Dagney, I will be signing it "the Jones family" And that way let them think what they like. But, even though my H is not home, I still fell like we are a family!

Just my 2 cents! LOL
Deb

[psluke]

I think I am going to follow the lead here on Christmas cards.

Thanks guys!

[totite]

Hi gang. THe one consulting gig that I had planning flu shot clinics occurred yesterday so now, other than all of the follow-up, I can get back to my life.

I've missed you guys. I haven't been able to do much reading let alone posting for the past few weeks.

Some good developments with my H though. Last week, I asked him to do the kid duty on Wednesday morning and he actually came late Tuesday and stayed over! Then on Friday night he came over late and stayed over again and left early Saturday to go work on a tool shed for a friend. I joked that it could become a habit!

We didn't go get a Christmas tree with everyone this year, but will go as a family to get one this weekend. I did tear up all of the carpet and had brought home wood floor samples which H looked at. Then on Monday he called to say that he wanted to install it himself after the holidays. I thought - good, then he'll feel invested in the home improvements.

Today I need to go pick up the Christmas cards. I like your suggestions that I just sign our name as some folks know and some don't. I thought I'd mention that to H along with the fact that I would really like to do a brief note, but don't know what to say.

H came over last night to drop off more supplies for wall repair and ate dinner here too. Then he didn't rush off but hung around for a little bit. But he was exhausted and so was I after my long day so I was glad to be able to go to bed.

So hopefully we are still moving forward or are at least on the upward part of the rollercoaster for now.

Just need to think of you guys and my PMA goes up. Thanks for your thoughts and support!

[totite]

Hi all. WARNING: Positive happenings ahead! (I think)

Well, with so many threads having tough times this week, I thought I would try to pick up some of the good vibes off of Bill's thread and put something positive out on the BB!

I am curious to know if you folks think I am reading too much into my H's behavior this past week or so.

Here's the scoop...

My H stayed over night twice two weeks ago rather than get up and leave after some late night quality time

Last week, on Thursday he came over here instead of taking kids for the night. I can't recall if he stayed for late night time or not but

Friday, he emailed some very suggestive stuff from work and I replied in the same. He then called to say that since D had 7 a.m. hockey practice that he thought it would be easier if the kids stayed here (it was his weekend) and he just came over. I said okay.

He came over after dinner, a movie, some and then stayed over again. He got up and took D to practice. Then came home to be with boys while I took D to church program practice. Then he had kids all day while I went on outing with MIL. When I got home, they were still here so we watched a movie, got cozy and then he went home late. The kids stayed here with no mention of going to his apartment.

Sunday, H met us at church for kid's program. Then he went home to change and we went to get Christmas tree. He then stayed and started to install new garage door opener. Then he ran to a friends house and came back late. We watched TV, cuddled and then he went home. (For the first time of late night cuddling we didn't get to which was okay because we both needed sleep )

Today, he called and then sent another email to which I responded. He came over for lunch and ended up eating in his car on way back to office.

Along with all of this, he is intent on grabbing me whenever he can - he is frisky as hell. He still doesn't show much affection in front of kids, but he never really has so while I would like it, it can wait.

My positives -

1. H is spending a lot of time at home (our house).
2. H made no attempt to take kids for his weekend but did family things here at home.
3. H did not get second tree for his apartment.
4. H left a few boxes of tools and stuff in garage yesterday.

My question:
1. Do you think he is testing the water to come home?
(I know his lease is almost up - Jan 15? - and haven't said a word to him.)

I don't want to get my hopes up, and am still going with the flow. I don't ask, I just let him lead this dance. But I have to keep reminding myself to be PATIENT! With yor help I will do it!

One can only hope that my Christmas wish will come true. I am determined to make the success list on this BB!

Thanks for listening and for any added insight.