When I was a wayward 10 years ago, the more time I spent with my "girlfriend", the further the divide I created to my wife. It was hard to talk to me because the feelings to my "girlfriend" were real. So you could not convince me. In retro-spect what would have saved that marriage was a violent breaking of the affair. With no girlfriend, I would have been forced to look at my position. Yes I would be mad, and my pride would be hurt some. I probably would have went to my wife at the time, because it would have been cheaper, less painful ( save for my pride ), and made the most since.
The affair is very powerful.
Attempts to talk to me, be nice to me, to try to bring me back would not work on me as a wayward. For while it didn't create a larger divide, I was still looking for next time I could get to my OW. In some WAS, attempts to be generous, to woo back further the gap and create a greater resentment.
Also looking from the wayward position, anyone you complain about your relationship to. Or that you like to spend time with that you just can't stand to spend with your spouse, is getting closer than your spouse.
Looking from the wayward position. The 180, the GAL and "affair bursting" will give the best chance at recovering the relationship. The affair has to be broken.
Waywards rationalize alot of things, and some of it their mind does for them.
