how do i keep my hope alive?

[trytryagain]

thanks, OTM. those hookups were only twice and only one time each. i'm not making it a habit.

i spoke with my L this morning, she spoke with my SIL, who is a lawyer and who helped my H draft up a separation agreement (in an effort to reduce lawyer fees for us both). apparently, she called my SIL (who i love very much) an idiot, which of course did not go over well with my SIL or my H. so there was that fire to put out. i spoke on the phone with my H, it's apparent that he has checked out of the idea of any reconciliation between us.

i got the "two people can love each other very much but that doesn't mean they have a healthy marriage" speech. he wants to end this as "amicably" as possible so we can just walk away. unscathed, right? just pat ourselves on the back and say, oh well, we tried? after our phone conversation i got a very tender "i don't want things to be this way and i want us to still respect each other so let's please meet on the middle on the terms of this agreement" email from him. yeah. otherwise known as "please don't make me cosign a loan with my parents so that i can continue to live in my apartment, on my own, with my car, and my motorcycle and go on with my life like you never existed."

i was about to leave work early so i could go home and cry and be upset. then i remembered that my H is not responsible for my emotional state and that i have vowed to stop placing my personal happiness in things outside of my control. but that doesn't mean that i won't go cry in the bathroom.