reconciliation after divorce?

[any chance?]

W came to MC today. Am holding onto the idea that her participation is a good thing. Sounds firm on the D, says she does not believe change is possible and that she will be able to meet my emotional needs. Claims there is too much baggage to get through. Is anyone in a similar situation that can offer advice?

[mza8]

AC, sounds to me that as long as OM is still in the picture, it makes sense that your W doesn't believe change in your M is possible. I think most Ws say they don't feel things can change, blah, blah, blah. I believe it's just their way to justify their behavior.

My W has told me that people don't change, it's too late, whatever. It's all BS but that's how they feel right now. My W wanted to go to MC for closure. Who knows for sure why your W decided to go with you to MC? Did your W agree to go to another MC session with you? If you can keep her going to MC that could be a good thing. Did your W say any specific reasons why she doesn't think she can work on your M?

[any chance?]

Specific reasons are that there is too much baggage in the past, too much hurt. Says she is not willing to give the effort 100%, not sure if she ever will be. I am hoping for another session, but we shall see.

What we did not talk about was the OM.

[dday101798]

AC,

As a matter of fact I had stumbled upon some letter adn their drafts to (x)W from various stages of when the A started and up til the first holidays.

What you W is saying about your 'emotional needs', I get the impression that perhaps, just perhaps you've been on the needy side for some time and not presenting yourself as a strong person?

If so, work on that. I was there and it is not very attractive. Other than being the fabled exact opposite of me, that's all I can see that she saw in quality with OM. Over the eyars I became a "yes dear" to not rock the boat, "wussy" like I think I've already said here. Now, I'm just assertive, I say what's on my mind, not being an a-hole or anything, but I can tell that is huge to (x)W.

That's good that your W went to the session. Right now she says "she believes change is not possible". Show her differently in yourself.

[dday101798]

Says she is not willing to give the effort 100%,

As long as OM is around, that obvious.

Sorry if that stung a second.

What we did not talk about was the OM.

Good. Resolve the past first, the present will take care of it's self.

[mza8]

That's good that your W went to the session. Right now she says "she believes change is not possible". Show her differently in yourself.

^^^^^Agree

AC, my W told me the same thing. A few weeks ago she finally admitted to me that she is seeing my changes. This coming from a woman who told me that change is not possible. Guess I proved her wrong. Keep making your changes for you. Your W will notice.

[soleil]

Says she is not willing to give the effort 100%,

As long as OM is around, that obvious.

Ja mon.

[soleil]

Says she is not willing to give the effort 100%,

As long as OM is around, that obvious.

Ja mon.

[dday101798]

This coming from a woman who told me that change is not possible. Guess I proved her wrong.

To take is one step further, I can not tell you how many times (x)W also said, out past is too vast and will never be laid to rest, and much the same, 'too much baggage'.

Well, here we are today, the past is done, over, finetto. Only way is forward.

[any chance?]

Thanks everyone for your thoughts....your support really helps in the dark hours. It is clear that depression is a major issue, and W knows she needs to get better to move forward. Still set on D, but is in no hurry at this point. So time is on my side. Going to focus on GAL and focussing on the new and better me. Will be there for her when she needs me, but need to focus on making myself better and stronger.