Hi there. Well, it has been a tough week for me and I haven't been able to post here either which doesn't help any.

I haven't had alone time with my H since last Tuesday night. He hasn't felt well for the past few days and has been going to bed early - so no late night time for me.

On the positive side:
1. H called and volunteered to take D8 to practice Saturday afternoon.
2. H came over after practice and stayed with kids while I ran a few errands.
3. H prepared part of dinner while I was gone.
4. H came to D8 game this morning even though he isn't feeling well and played with S3 while there. He also asked if I needed him to take S5 to the birthday party.
5. H stopped by late today to see if driveway needed snowblowing (I did it earlier) on his way to do MIL's house. Ended up going to pick up D8 at friend's house so I didn't have too.
6. H kept his benefits the same at work (this worried me as he carries me and I was afraid he would drop my coverage). When I asked about the pre-tax child care he said he was keeping it the same. I told him that we should consider taking kids out of care since I know this is a source of frustration for him - he asked "aren't you working on two projects now?" I said yes but I thought I could do it without child care. He said he was leaving it as is and we'd talk about it later. (Somewhat positive?)

The hard part is that I miss the alone time. I also feel like he is really struggling with "us" for some reason. I am trying not to make ASSumptions, but sometimes you just sense that something is not right.

Tonight I had to address a few things with him even though he doesn't feel well. I mentioned wanting to rip up carpet to get ready for new flooring before putting up Christmas tree otherwise it would have to wait until January.

He asked where the money was coming from and commented that he couldn't magically make money. This type of comment isn't normal for him so whether I can chalk it up to his not feeling well or if he is trying to talk out loud - who knows. It is more about how it was said.

I reminded him that I am getting a check from my consulting gig at the end of the week. He seemed okay with that but I will seek clarification later when he feels better.

I asked if he was going to join us for TG as I wanted to let my sister know and he said he hadn't even thought about it (which I know he has as my sister invited his mom and sister over too, but they already have plasns - my MIL said she and H discussed this). Oh well, his loss, the kids will have fun and my sister is a great cook - so we will enjoy anyway. I will put on the brave face for the kids once again.

I guess the toughest part was that today was our anniversary. He called this a.m. to talk to S5 but didn't say anything so I didn't either. I waited until after D8's game and gave him a card while out in parking lot - very simple silly card with an ILY only.

He didn't say anything. When he left to get D8 this afternoon I told him happy anniversary and he said it back. My S5 said Happy Anniversary mommy and daddy... and H smiled. I didn't expect anything but it was a tough day nonetheless.

So anyway, my PMA is fluctuating - an usual thing for me. I just need some TLC and you folks are it for me.

Thanks for listening!

totite "Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."