I feel like a failure because with all of the efforts I put in to getting us through to a better place in our married life (financially, stability-wise, employment, etc), I disregarded the relationship itself. My focus was horribly skewed on the daily grind to the detriment of my own mental health and to some respect his and the casualty was our relationship that was so special in the beginning.
I feel like a failure because despite my IQ and research skills I could not figure out what I needed to do in my own marriage, the one thing that meant the most to me.
Now it seems he's recreating what we had with another person instead of trying to build on what is right in front of him. And it feels like his A with OW will last because it seems that his way of showing love feelings is what she needs. She is buying his fantasy view on life just like I did for so many years. I know he can "gaslight" for years.. Our marriage proved it. I was convinced that I and my past was the root of everything wrong in our M. OW flies up here every other weekend to get to know my children and cement herself into my family. Now my daughter is talking about one day going on an airplane to visit OW house...
Every time I hear OW's name on my daughter's lips it's a reminder that I've been replaced for a less "broken" model. That I wasn't worth having a difficult conversation with all those years ago. That I couldn't see our life clearly enough to sort things out and stand firm when I needed to.
I have two innocents and my mother depending on me to be smart and protect them... and in 10 years I could not even figure out that intimacy and emotion were a problem in my marriage! How can I possibly create a better life for them when I can't see the forest for the trees?
Every decision I make impacts them now and I'm afraid I'm going to make the wrong ones and focus on the wrong things again...
~ This Diamond now SHINES!! ;-p ~
My Sitch in MLC - http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Main=45253&Number=1901148#
