I need help in the biggest way. I feel so helpless

[timehealsall]

Thank you CG.. I am the type of person that respects frankness and doesn't like things sugarcoated. I thank you for that.

Was I okay in what I responded back to him? I hate that feeling of wanting to reach out to him. I need to put a rubberband on my wrist to stop me from thinking about that..

[idontunderstand]

Hi, THA

I know it gets frustrating waiting for someone to respond. People are reading and thinking about you, rest assured!

Anyway, IMHO, it sounds like he is still trying to ease his guilt by blaming you and accusing you of playing games. Don't get sucked in. This is you from yesterday:

" I will admit that when I woke up this morning, I had D on my mind. I just kept thinking to myself. How long can I actually go on like this? this limbo? how long will I be able to put up with it? I'm not done yet. In fact, I feel as though I am the strongest I've been in a long time. I still love my H. there is no doubt about that. But I love myself more. I haven't felt that in a long time. I lost myself for a while"

As hard as it is, try to hold on to that. It is a roller coaster and he will do everything he can to bring you to your knees. Don't give him the satisfaction!

It's all easier said than done, I know. You can do it.
(((THA)))

[timehealsall]

Thanks IDU.. hugsssssss

[cesco]

Hey THA,
I do know that others have posted in the past that if he sends you a message or text, or vm about the children dont keep him wondering. It will end up like your doing it on purpose anyway.
In my sitch, i respond ( not right away) but within reason, under 30 minutes if its about the kids. Otherwise, its the principles on DB, the 180 list.

The way I look at it is if W had the kids, and I needed to find out something, how would I like not knowing ? Its about the kids. I dont put them in the middle of our sitch..
Thats my 2 cents anyway..
Keep lookin good!!!.....

[courts0818]

THA,
Hugs...I just read a lot of your sitch. I know exactly what you went through (around 2009) with making your kiddo a priority over your H. I did the same thing and ended up neglecting the needs of my H. However, as we both know, that is not justification for their cheating and the absolute betrayal.

I'm sure like me you were just trying to be a good mom. My heart breaks for the pain you've experienced - I'm felt a lot of the same pain myself.

I suck at giving advice bc my head and thoughts are all over the place, but I for sure care and wanted to offer my support and encouragement. : )

[FindingMyVoice]

Hi THA, I was rereading some of my thread and thinking about how helpful your comments were. So wanted to stop by your thread, read up on your sitch and say hello and give you my support. How are you doing this week? I hope you haven't gotten any more nasty emails from your H.

[timehealsall]

Hey guys. Thanks for the love. It means so much to me.

Well just to update. He continued with the
emails indeed. He was heated. He started sending me emails rehashing all I've done.

Rather than go back and forth with him, I sent him am
email asking that he just stop it. I told him that was I through going back and forth and that i was done. That was the last one I got Friday night.

I did happy hour and then went out and had
alot of fun. Got picked up alot by males and most of which were
in their early 20's. The attention was nice but no thanks. Haha

H sent me an email wishing S5 a great first baseball game and said that he was sorry he couldn't be there. He then sent emails throughout Saturday checking on the kids. I was light and short but to the point. It was like he was looking to have a conversation but I didn't entertain it.

On Sunday, I was at home online and he reaches out to me on skype.

Apologized (gasp) for his behavior. Said that he has been doing alot of
thinking and that he is going to sell everything off in his
office overseas and close it down and come
home. He says that he needs to do this himself and that he needs to get us
out of this mess alone. I couldn't believe it. He has
never owned up to anything in our 11 years together. He said he wants us to work together to get our life back and for our kids. I told him I agree and that we need to move forward. He asked what that meant and I said that it means we need to leave the past in the past, focus on the present, set goals for the future and move forward. (him questioning that was because he thought I meant move on without him)

I told him of course but that I wouldn't be able to afford too big of a place for myself and he asked why I was moving out and if I was divorcing him. I said that he told me he wanted one and he said that he lied and only said that because he was upset and that he doesn't want one.

Needless to say, this was all shocking to read coming from him. I am
still proceeding with caution being that these WS are up and down and for all I know, tomorrow he will hate me again lol

we then chatted for an hour or so by video chat.

He sent me an email this morning wishing me a great day xoxo's and
that he can't wait to get home.

I let him do all the calling today and he did call and email me
several times.

We shall see.

[FindingMyVoice]

He continued with the
emails indeed. He was heated. He started sending me emails rehashing all I've done.

A huge pat on the back for not engaging all that and just telling him to stop it. And way to go on hitting happy hour!!

I was light and short but to the point. It was like he was looking to have a conversation but I didn't entertain it.

Again, nicely handled!

Needless to say, this was all shocking to read coming from him. I am still proceeding with caution being that these WS are up and down and for all I know, tomorrow he will hate me again lol

Holy cow. I agree. I think proceeding with caution is of utmost importance. Did he actually taking ownership for having the affair? I'm very concerned for you because I'm remembering a line back on page 7 (and that was just a few weeks ago wasn't it?) I think of your thread where he was still saying he blamed you for his affair. What are your feelings about his apologies etc on Sun?

[FindingMyVoice]

(Hi again, sorry that reference was on page 9)

[timehealsall]

Well, I knew it was shortlived.

He sent me an email yesterday wishing me a good day. I replied back wishing him the same.

We spoke briefly a few times.. I ended the conversation (180) and then he sent me an email asking me where my head was at in regards to our R.

I replied back that reiterating what he said to me on Sunday night about not wanting a divorce and that he had lied about wanting a D and that he wanted to get our lives on track. but I also said that I didn't know exactly what that meant?
that I didn't want to play house and make things to appear okay.

well, that set him off. Was I wrong in what I said?

because this just set him off and he went on and on because apparently I was supposed to KNOW that he meant he wanted to work on us as well. I explained to him that he needed to say that especially after all the back and forth he has done and how adamant he has been about NOT wanting to work things out.

Then he goes on to say I'm a bad mother.. I can't handle the kids. They don't listen to me and I just push them off on others (ie my mom).

Then he sends me some stupid song about D and said that he never meant for things to turn out that way yesterday.

WTF just happened here?

So I checked my intel and he reread all of our email exchanges and then I see that he skyped an acquaintenance he has there asking him if he wanted to go out to dinner (that's fine; no biggie) and then the guy asks him where? and H says everywhere.. then the guy says "you'll be making love to [OW's name] later" which then H asks if he can call him through skype and they chat for a bit (too bad I can't hear anything =() and then the the acquaintence deletes the comment from the skype conversation. I'm thinking that H asked to speak to him to clarify that he's not with OW anymore but I'd be lying if I didn't admit that it stung to see that.. especially having the friend refer to my H as "making love" to that wh0re.

No messages/calls or nothing from H since that last email.

I guess it's a good thing that I didn't put all my eggs in the basket in thinking this was finally a good thing for us in our R.

Although it still hurts and I have to admit that a few tears have been shed over it this morning.