Do not threaten her with the "affair bursting". The best thing you can do for yourself and your marriage is to do it. You have to calm your nerves and make sure you have enough conclusive information to present it to the places where you will present it. After having this choice forced on you ( having an OM in your life ), breaking the affair open is going to be empowering for you.
Officer In Need, gman, Allan A, and MrBond have all broken the affairs open, and each one of them had a spouse that no longer had a boyfriend to run to when she got mad. The spouses all came home and each of these men's relationships are in various states of repair.
