That lady from the meetup that I met is a great lady, but alas, she already has a boyfriend, however, she and I have been communicating regularly, and I consider her a friend now, and that is a positive. It's nice to have some new friends in the area, who are going to be true friends.. It's ok, as I had no expectations, but we just seemed to hit it off as friends instantly. Hope I can find a women out there like that who's single someday!
It's annoying and frustrating at times how the human mind works. I slept very little last night. I had to get the taxes done, so went over everything with the accountant, and out of that the following:
There is a huge benefit to our tax return from those investment properties that stbxw claims she has nothing to do with. I am talking thousands of dollars, and I am going to report that to my L, even though I doubt it will make any difference in division, and certainly not to stbxw who just wants the $$$.
I am going to need to change my w4 or I am going to wind up owing taxes next year. That means less of my take home pay, and it's going to be hundreds of dollars per paycheck..
I need to get stbxw to sign the doc, and I am anxious about how to go about that without getting into discussion about the differences..
stbxw unilaterally made the decision that her other ex would claim the 2 boys for financial aid purposes last year, so we could not claim them on our taxes. That's doubly annoying as I am paying still for the house they live in most of the time, and don't even live there myself anymore..
So, while dealing with 'mindfulness' of the above while awake, my subconscious seems to be struggling a bit, as I slept very little, kept waking up, dreaming about stbxw, ad nasuem. Grrr..
Well, today is another day to work it out, and taking d9 to cookie creating event with that meetup group, and looking forward to chatting with my new friend and make some other new friends..
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
Met with stbxw for signing documents, and it was fast and efficient.. "Sign here, here, here, k, bye"
She had the new toys covered up, I pretended she felt guilty about dropping +8k on strap ons while crushing me financially, which seemed to please my subconscious warped mine, so whatever works, eh?
At any rate, went to party yesterday, and had a good time. Something did happen that had me thinking and thinking down on myself. Woman there that I was immediately attracted to, but over the course of the night, she was immediately attracted to and left with someone else..
That bugs me, and then it bugs me that it bugs me, capiche? I am OK now, just at times you wonder what it is that makes attraction between people, and why the heck I can't seem to make it work for me???
Oh well, enough with the pity party on my bruised ego, spending the night with d9 and another living room pizza party before I am off vacation and back to the grind tomorrow, and have to take d9 back to school tomorrow..
Oh, and tomorrow is d-day mark +1 year anniversary, I remember that day like it was yesterday..
Throughout the day, I have been working hard on mindfully watching and feeling my emotions through all this, so I am ok, and understand the down, up, sad, etc, and whole lotta others..
Another day to grow... Back to one of Dr. David Schnarch comments that I come back to frequently..
"You must be able to tolerate discomfort for growth"
Ain't that a doozy and so true....
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
At any rate, went to party yesterday, and had a good time. Something did happen that had me thinking and thinking down on myself. Woman there that I was immediately attracted to, but over the course of the night, she was immediately attracted to and left with someone else..
This happened to me a couple of weeks ago and I remembered feeling like I was in high school again. I took it as a positive that at least I was getting in position to meet people again.
Quote:
Oh, and tomorrow is d-day mark +1 year anniversary, I remember that day like it was yesterday..
My anniversary is Tuesday and I'm skipping town. My one year out of the house mark is Mother's Day and I'm not sure what I'm doing that day. These opposite anniversaries suck. I wonder if they stay with us forever?
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
At any rate, went to party yesterday, and had a good time. Something did happen that had me thinking and thinking down on myself. Woman there that I was immediately attracted to, but over the course of the night, she was immediately attracted to and left with someone else..That bugs me, and then it bugs me that it bugs me, capiche? I am OK now, just at times you wonder what it is that makes attraction between people, and why the heck I can't seem to make it work for me???
But, iwitw, you can't make it work. It just works or it doesn't. Hey, you were out there Galing. Good for you. And if it doesn't (hasn't) worked for you, I would suggets ending that sentence with the word "yet" Keep going.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Man, there are some days I am ready to just give up....
I am typing this sitting in my now broken second car in the pouring rain, 50 miles from my home on the 1 year anniversary of the bomb...
So, I have two cars both of which are broken and I can't afford to fix due to this divorce, had to call stbxw to pickup d9 so she could get to school, first day back from vacation and have to call out because I am 100 miles from work.....
Yeh, divorce is some good times, good times...
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
Just keep remembering this too shall pass. I know it doesn't feel like it, but you are stronger than you think.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Wow, I'm so sorry your week is off to such a rough start! Things will get better, and you will get through this. Do you have any fun GAL plans to look forward to this week?
Thank you all for your well wishes and thoughts. They mean a lot to me..
So, I wonder at times if my life is just a gag reel for a cosmic joker somewhere, but I digress..
Today was an textbook exercise in mindfulness..
The adversary shows up to pickup d9 and I get the 'look of satisfaction' from her at my predicament as she drives up. Well, thanks for that.. She picks up the d9 and splits without a second glance back...
Couple hours later, I have car #2 at shop, and now have a rental for the week.
Just let the emotions flow, sad, anger, frustration, etc, and let them go by, and I am doing ok after, so this stuff works I guess.
If I am being made to pay penance for the sins of my relationships, I feel that I at least have to be making progress on the whomever holds that list..
Things could be worse, and I'll get through this, as I always do, just trying to make light of the situation, somehow...
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
