Okay. Update time. It has been three and half weeks since our last contact (initiated by me) when I told my W I agreed with her decision to leave, told her I had her belongings boxed up, and that I put them in the garage.
There has been zero contact from either of us. It is like we have both walked away, which really isn't too far from the truth. I still have very brief moments of anxiety that usually pass quickly. My gut is telling me that she is not going to pursue me and that she is just done.
I am detaching very well. I believe if I had to interact with her now, I could do excellent without backsliding. I'm having a lot more trouble dealing with the loss of her family, since I was very much a part of their family. It is a lot like losing my entire family. That bothers me terribly.
Tomorrow is her birthday and I have some non-pressing financial information I would like to discus with her. Maybe some advice on handling this would be appreciated.
You're doing great. But, I'm not exactly an unbiased opinion.
I feel bad for you re: W's family. I'm sure they're conflicted, as well. Remember your loss, is also there's, even more so. They feel like they have to support your W, but have a deep connection to you. It can't be easy for them, either.
Birthday... ? You handle her birthday how YOU want to handle it. What does the financial info have to do w/her birthday?
HUGS
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Well. I made an executive decision. I decided that unlike my birthday, I would extend the offer to take her out for hers. I texted her yesterday wishing her a Happy Birthday eve (which is a tradition in her family) and offer to take her out on her birthday.
I didn't really expect a response and I definitely didn't think she would take me up on it. She accepted. So we got together. And...
..there was zero chemistry for me. None. Other than this was someone who I share a history with, I had no intimate thoughts whatsoever. No attraction. So this is being detached?
She has made zero improvements, in the time we have been apart. She was pleasant, in a friend sort of way, but I didn't feel any desire to pursue her romantically. She was curious about some of my changes, but mainly my taking up golf. She offered to get together at the driving range sometime. I'm fairly "meh" about that.
If I didn't know her and this was a first date, there wouldn't be a second. So I am believing that there will be no "remedy" here.
I understand that. I even left out that previously she didn't even want me to touch her. And when we parted today, she initiated a hug I had no intention of giving.
The point is I've made all the changes. I'm looking, feeling, and I *am* better than before. She is now responding positively to the changes, but here's the thing.... I've moved on. It's too late. ILYBNILWY.
I keep erasing the next part, because, no matter how I word it, it comes off as nasty. So I'll just leave it as, she doesn't deserve the changes and rediscovery I've made. She will have to learn to live with disappointment, because someone else benefits from those changes.
