Show of hands - expose or not - success stories

[MrBond]

What if you gave some of the audible evidence to the OWH? I know you said he was pretty passive, but hearing his W screwing your H might kick his butt into action.

[Marked&Healed]

Thanks, Saffie. Got lots to think about there. I'll print and re-read later.
I guess I just post here b/c I will miss the people. Point taken, I'll switch.

[old theotherhalf]

I had concrete proof that EX was having an affair. EVERYONE knew it. EX NEVER did admit to ANYONE it was true. It did not matter. In-laws, friends, family members, co-workers, all believed that he was making the biggest mistake of his life. Some told him so. It did not matter. The M was over and there was no going back. After I filed for D he just continued on with OW. He knew that everyone hated her and was against their R. But he slowly brought her out into the open and into his life. It didn't matter.

Please accept what is and move on with your life.

[saffie]

Thanks, Saffie. Got lots to think about there. I'll print and re-read later.
I guess I just post here b/c I will miss the people. Point taken, I'll switch.

No, you are missing my point. I am not saying you should switch at all; you must post where you feel happy. I am trying to say you are confused and all over the place. As far as I can tell, you never get to pursue one course of action long enough to see if it works.....apart from exposing, ( which genereally I am in favour of). Exposing didn't work as far as I can see because your H doesn't care - he wants people to think you and he are over. To my mind then, the only way to win him back......or keep your self respect, is to show others by your actions, that you are not the monster he portrays you to be.

[Allen A]

Exposing DID work becuase he's HIDING his affair.

No one to my mind is suggesting exposure will in and of itself END an AFFAIR..it DOES change yoru spouse's behaviour and stir up the pot... It brings reality to bear on it and does damage... you have to keep hitting it HARD... one exposure with no follow up won't make much impact no... but it is a proven strategy that does make an impact.

I bet if Pass exposed to his own kids it would stir things up even more...

He wants everyone to think he's an HONEST GUY... she exposes that and HE changes his behavior... it DOES make a difference.

The EXPOSURE isn't enough.. YOU need MORE exposure and follow through to ensure he's being honest... he DOES care about his image..he's made that qutie clear by HIDING the affair.

[saffie]

Yeah..............he cares enough to tell everyone his M is over. He is just trying to look not so bad as he exits. Also, he was starting to tell people about OW as passenger exposed.

In this instance pushing harder on that front is highly likely to make passenger's H just leave. He might care about his image but he doesn't care about his W or his M - he has made that quite clear.

[MrBond]

Maybe that's why she should expose to the OW's H. Have him do some of the work.

[saffie]

Yep, I don't disagree. Will show OW's H just how much his W is 'working' on their M

It might well be that he has gone underground for OW's sakes re her H rather than anything to do with passenger. Everything passenger says makes me think her H is more than half way out the door.

[Allen A]

Yes, that's what i figure.

OW was OUTRAGED when Pass exposed and called her H.

I suspect OW is still trying to play both sides for the financial benefits.

OW H has been characterized as spineless so far... so I wouldnt' be at all surprised.

I do agree Saffie Pass' H is being terribly callous... I don't know what impact exposure will have, but it does shake things up quite a bit when Pass does it...

If the marriage is giong to go down, it may as well go down honestly... I am not in favour of keeping secrets to protect an affair... and that IS what Pass' H and OW want... secrets are important to them.. So I say take the secrets away and watch what happens...

The alternative is for Pass to keep quiet about the affair, work on herself and try NOT to end up in a psycho ward in the process... until the lustre of the affair wears off in a couple years time...

You can play softball with WH or you can start using the fast balls and see if he ends the game or starts playing fair...

[MrBond]

How about when her H comes home, he finds his stuff packed at the front door with a recorder on top with the note "Play Me" on it. Then it would play the sex part.

This way pass isn't pulled into a R talk and it centers around the A only.