OK I admit I have confronted, pursued, and thrown hissy fits when I try to set a boundary. But I'm doing better. When she got home today, I said nothing. I didn't even ask her where she went (although it's quite obvious).
I guess I'm not very good at setting boundaries. That's why I love it when you guys tell me exactly what I can say or do. I'm having a bit of trouble enforcing the boundary. Not exactly sure how to do that without her being able to say I THREW her out.
My wife is asking for a divorce and I don't completely understand why.
Ken I hear you on that. I asked W to leave and she wouldn't One boundary I stated was to remove her from credit card. Well man am I glad I did that (if you want to know why read my thread).
Is there anything beyond throwing her out?
M 40 W 39 D 4 M 5 years Bomb dropped 08/09 In house separation
OK I admit I have confronted, pursued, and thrown hissy fits when I try to set a boundary.
Does a cop throw a hissy fit when he issues you a citation, or does he just issue it?
Real men don't yell, scream, or "throw hissy fits" in order to set a boundary, Ken. Very calmly say "I will not live in an open marriage. It's incredibly disrespectful, and I value myself too much to tolerate it any longer. If you don't end it, immediately, then I will immediately begin to take measures to protect myself."
And make sure you're not PAYING for ANYTHING that she's using to carry on her affair -- cellphone, computer, internet, etc.
What you can and should do is your best efforts to "affair burst". Its your best chance at getting the wife back, as she will have no boyfriend and will be stinging somewhat. She will have to reevaluate her position.
Thanks Puppy, you're absolutely right and I'm getting better at that. Thanks for the advice about not paying for things that support the affair.
And I totally agree, DaddyLongShanks, that I agree that I need to "affair burst" somehow before I can work on anything else. I am finding that advice in books too, as well as from learning the hard way.
I'd still love to read up on successful cases that are similar to mine with a wife that had an affair if anybody can refer me to some threads. Thanks in advance.
My wife is asking for a divorce and I don't completely understand why.
I was a wayward in a previous situation approximately 10 years ago. Waywards really need to be stung, because part of their reality is you aren't going to go anywhere. The other part is you can't really boundary enforce because as a virtue of the action of cheating, if you try to shut down something they can just do it outside.
Female waywards are a bit different, but if you read my contribution - it may help you.
I think the affairs need to be bursted and anywhere where the WAW is on the edge in life needs to be bursted too.
I think the affairs need to be bursted and anywhere where the WAW is on the edge in life needs to be bursted too.
DLS,
Would you mind explaining bursting. I'm interested in exactly what you mean. I'm kinda slow on the uptake and still don't get it after reading the links you left above. :p
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
"Affair bursting" is breaking the affair. If the spouse has a boyfriend or girlfriend to run to, your not going to be effective and you have almost no chance of getting them back.
If the affair is bursted, they will have to reevaluate their position and their life.
"Affair bursting" is breaking the affair. If the spouse has a boyfriend or girlfriend to run to, your not going to be effective and you have almost no chance of getting them back.
If the affair is bursted, they will have to reevaluate their position and their life.
Right. Ok, how do you affair burst....Step 1, Step 2, and so on.
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
