Quote: I can't blame this on PMS, but maybe I should start listening more when you guys talk about premenopause - I am 40 now after all
I'm there and think I'm going through premenopause, but heh today I can blame it on the PMS monster. I hate when I cry to! ((((HUGS)))) it will be OK we all have those days. Mine happened to be today.
But you know what is great? We have each other here on the BB. Thank God! For with the help of a couple here my PMA is going back up!
Hi again. You know, as I rambled (and it was only briefly) to my H last night, I had visions of Opt crying to her H last week.
My H hasn't seen me cry in at least two months so what he thought about last night remains to be seen. It really wasn't a big deal and I didn't lay any blame on him. It was truly just a release of confusion and uncertainty on my part.
Tonight, if he asks about it, I am going to try to keep it upbeat and simple.
I want to explain to him that the issue at church was icing on the cake - everything boils down to communication. I am as guilty as he is on that front. I either talk too much and don't hear him (familiar Pam?) or avoid it so as to avoid conflict.
I think my frustration is that I told him that I wouldn't pressure him and true to my word I haven't. This is hard for a verbal person to do as many of you know. I am sooooo pleased with the affair (hee - hee!) that we are having with each other, but really struggle with the parallel world he and I are living in as a result.
We cuddle, talk and make love regularly when alone, but then when the kids are around it is business as usual. I want to reach over and touch him or kiss him and am afraid of how he would take it or react.
These are the thoughts that I am having. How I phrase it tonight will come from within me and not be directed towards him. I am lucky in that I have such good retention of the scenarios that I read about here and I truly do recall them as I have conversations with my H.
I am trying to hear what he says, pause and then formulate an answer. I listen to figure out if we are understanding each other and ask for or offer clarification if needed.
I don't have any speech to make to him. I have a few questions or curiousities - however, by tonight, I may not even need to ask. And I don't want to build up expectations for whatever may or may not happen.
So, I am planning a low-key, thoughtful approach to whatever comes my way. I am going to keep my emotions in check to the best of my abilities - and may just put my fingernails into my palm for assistance!
I think much of this uncertainty comes from our upcoming anniversary, as well as the upcoming traditions of Thanksgiving, an annual tree-cutting outing with his friends (he proposed the evening before so we could show them the ring) and all of the other traditions we have created as a family.
We have not talked about any of these things yet. He has been okay with doing things together of late, but it remains to be seen how all of these activities will be impacted by our separation.
Well, my projects await. Trying to keep the two boys busy while I tackle them. S3 wants to play on the "puter" so I have to run.
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
Good Morning. Well, there wasn't any talking last night. My H called and asked if he could come over to start working on the wall that I tore down and bring the kids the brownies that they baked at this place Thursday night.
He came over and did the wall. Then he installed some decorative hooks in my S3 room. Then he headed out as he was leaving to go hunting at 7 a.m. So we didn't have a late night visit.
While I was a little worried that he didn't want to come back due to my minor meltdown on the phone Thursday evening - the fact that he came over to work on the wall tells me differently.
We will see what tonight brings. My D8 has her first hockey game at 4:15 and afterwards the Grandparents are coming over for pizza. I mentioned it to H as he is not sure if he will make it back from hunting on time, but he knows he is invited too.
I am not going to push it or even ask to talk about my tears the other night. I will ramp up the patience on my end and let the good Lord lead the way.
Sound like a plan? Believe me it will be very hard - but I know I can do it.
My back is killing me after all of the painting and furniture moving. Today I cannot bend over unless holding on to something but am trying to straighten up the house. I have to check out the flybaby thread and hope that the task at hand requires no heavy lifting!
Send a prayer up for me if you get a chance. I really feel like my H and I are on the brink of return and any support thrown our way will help!
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
We cuddle, talk and make love regularly when alone, but then when the kids are around it is business as usual. I want to reach over and touch him or kiss him and am afraid of how he would take it or react.
So, reach passed your fear! Try a little affectionate pat on the arm. Brush up against him when the kids are present. Maybe he is just as fearful as you are...and you can alleviate his fears by conquering yours. If he reacts badly...then back off..just don't take it personally. It's his issues, not yours making him react badly. If he reacts well...wooohooo....another baby step forward has been taken.
Totite, Loved what you had to say to Optimist! I think that often times it's obvious how well things are going with us by the advice we are giving to others...you are doing great...keep up the terrific work...and yes, it is work..but anything worthwhile is worth working for, now isn't it? Bump!
Hi there! Well, H and I haven't been alone since my tears the other night, but we have been together so my concerns about his wanting to avoid me as a result are disappating. I even joked about it with him tonight when I spoke to him after the kids said goodnight.
Four quick positives before I head off to bed:
1. H came over Friday night to start patching sheetrock by the wall that I tore down. 2. H made it back from hunting for D8's first hockey game, sat with all of us (grandparents, my brother and his girlfriend, daughter's best friend and her family), came over for pizza afterwards (cancelling plans for dinner with hunting buddies - he caught up with them later) and was last to leave. 3. H came over this morning and took D8 to hockey practice at 7 a.m. so I didn't have to wake up the boys. 4. H came over again later this morning to do a few things around here and so I could run an errand with D8 without the boys.
Now I am just looking forward to our next alone time. It has been since Wednesday night! But I will keep practicing patience - patience - patience!
I keep on praying that we will be together soon for the next part of our journey.
On a personal note, my back is killing me still from moving furniture last week (or maybe it is from all of the alone time activities ). But I found out that my neighbor is in school to become a massage therapist and needs to practice for 500 hours! She is coming over tomorrow afternoon - what luck!
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
