Well, if she asks why it is out, you'll have to say something.
Say something about her choice. "You know I can't be married to you when you are having an A with another man. Since you are still in contact with him, It seems you have made a choice, and would need luggage to begin living with that choice."
I wouldn't discuss it with her unless she tells you she said good-bye to him today. If that is the case, say "Let's send him a confirmation letter of NC! and then I'll put the luggage away!"
Allen actually did this and it worked so he will have better input. I did what you are doing now and chased WH away. Say it once and let the silence speak for itself, otherwise you are giving her ammo to justify her leaving. Did ya read the thing on pursual? Replace MLCer with WS. (Although I suspect your W has some transition issues or she would have been gone awhile ago)
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
She came back, ignored the luggage, fixed lunch, and acted like nothing happened.
Thanks for giving me ideas for something to say. I may need them later today.
I believe you are correct about her having transition issues. I believe she is also having trouble making up her mind because she is somewhat convicted that what wants to do is wrong.
Yes, I did read your excerpt on pursual (thanks for that) - and I definitely can relate to that and say that I have been the pursuer, (trying to persuade her, hold her hand and everything) and she has been the distancer. Now that I understand my problem better, maybe I can deal with the situation better.
My wife is asking for a divorce and I don't completely understand why.
I believe you are correct about her having transition issues. I believe she is also having trouble making up her mind because she is somewhat convicted that what wants to do is wrong.
That's "mind-reading," Ken. It's just as likely that she's having trouble making up her mind simply because she doesn't HAVE to, and that she perceives herself to have the best of both worlds.
She will hold onto the "best of both worlds" as long as she can get away with it. Life can kick her ass or you help it along, that may make her realize she really is playing with a good situation she has with you.
It's just as likely that she's having trouble making up her mind simply because she doesn't HAVE to, and that she perceives herself to have the best of both worlds.
Puppy
That about sums up my sitch pretty well. This last few days has been an abbreviated version or repetition of my whole dilemma since last July.
1) I confront her with a boundary. 2) She responds by running to the OM. 3) She comes back and acts like nothing happened and yet refuses to end her contact with the OM.
What can I say or do?
My wife is asking for a divorce and I don't completely understand why.
It's just as likely that she's having trouble making up her mind simply because she doesn't HAVE to, and that she perceives herself to have the best of both worlds.
Puppy
That about sums up my sitch pretty well. This last few days has been an abbreviated version or repetition of my whole dilemma since last July.
1) I confront her with a boundary. 2) She responds by running to the OM. 3) She comes back and acts like nothing happened and yet refuses to end her contact with the OM.
It's just as likely that she's having trouble making up her mind simply because she doesn't HAVE to, and that she perceives herself to have the best of both worlds.
Puppy
That about sums up my sitch pretty well. This last few days has been an abbreviated version or repetition of my whole dilemma since last July.
1) I confront her with a boundary. 2) She responds by running to the OM. 3) She comes back and acts like nothing happened and yet refuses to end her contact with the OM.
What can I say or do?
4) Enforce the boundary.
Ken, you may intend the above, but here is what I perceive you have been doing:
1)You confront, pursue and throw a hissy fit. 2)She runs to OM. 3)When she returns, You confront, pursue, and throw a hissy fit, justifying for her a return to OM.
You must follow through. We are here for you.
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
