Well here I am now. Moved over from DBD

[g450]

Well Im coming over from the "Divorced But Not Done" forum.

Found out just a few days ago that she has in fact had an EA with her high school fling from 30+ years ago. I found this out post-divorce but it still hurts. Not 100% sure that there was a PA but anything is possible at this point because this could have been going on for years. And they both love to go to HS reunions. I can confirm that she was at least talking to him back in August 2009 and that was way before she dropped the bomb.

She is 100% convinced that she is still in love with him and wants to be with him. Unfortunately for her he is married and has five children. Most in College.

Here is my old thread:

Fast track to her divorcing me

Just a history of my situation:

In Nov09 my 54 year old wife of 23 years told me that she did not love me anymore and hasn't for past 10 years. Told me she wanted a divorce and with no discussion or argument. Told me she had her mind made up. She said this with a cold blank stare on her face and glazed over eyes.

I was devastated. Ironically we had a wonderful vacation together just the month prior and I thought we were getting closer together. Even ML.

I pleaded with her for five days to reconsider, to go see mc, go see md etc. I then gave in to her request as it was clear that she had made her decision final and did not want to work things out. I should have gotten a clue that there was a problem when she moved into my Son's old bedroom two years ago (due to my snoring?) when he left home. But NOT once in 23 years did she convey to me that she was unhappy.

I now realized our marriage could have been better. We lived
together as always but because I was confortable with where we were I never noticed that we weren't as close as we used to be. Always thought this was normal for older couples. I never dreamed that she would want to leave me and didnt love me however.

I never cheated on her. Never abused her. Never abused drugs or stayed out etc. We just werent as close as we first were. My worst offense was spending to much time on my PC. Im not perfect but neither was she. I see both our faults more clearly now.

Like many here, I feel she is either in MLC or is a WAW. It seems to me now like she had issues and just married me out of convenience. She knew she was going to leave years ago and just now got around to telling me. She wanted to finish raising our Son I guess (He is 20 now). That's admirable of her but she still should have told me 10 years ago that she didnt love me so I could at least have started dbing.

I now feel that I never had a snowballs chance in hell of restoring the marriage. Ten years is a long time to not love me. I was praying that it was MLC as this would give me hope of reconciliation.

Like many, at first I thought she had to be cheating. I didnt find out until two months after the deivorce that she did in fact have an EA and it is still ongoing. The secrecy from her regarding her PC, her phone and her Facebook thing gave me concern. Always trust your gut first. I have yet to find evidence of a PA anywhere but there is a strong possibility of it even though this guy lives in another state.

I just felt like my wife died and this other ugly and unfeeling person has taken over her body and mind. Ironically she is a sweetheart to everybody else.

Now that we are divorced I can deal with this better. But finding out about the EA opens a fresh wound for me. The EA was a dealbreaker so this is why I moved here.

She is moved into my Son's house and will be there for three years or so until she retires. Once she retires she will go back to her own hometown and I will probably never see her again. I would not be surprised if an OM were to show up way before then though.

Personally I have stopped DBing as of now and I hold no hope of reconciliation. I am done! I deserve better. I will not compete with a fantasy. And she needs to deal with her issues without me being around to have somebody to blame and play head games with.

Thanks for listening everyone.