TrentC...the book doesn't say throw out your marriage. It gives you a perspective on reality...what is real...what is denial. It also helps after what I just read above because the book also tells you how to experience grief and deal with the pain and mourning one must go thru as their spouse decides to depart.

A spouse that is willing to go thru Retrouvaille and marriage counseling and do the work is a WHOLE different ball of wax. The majority of the marriages and DB'ers that we see here are, sadly, let's say 'near terminal'. There are a few last gasps for breath and we see that as hope. Again Trent...grieving the loss of your marriage and realizing that hope for reconciliation is a form of denial is NOT saying 'you should all go ahead and file'. On the contrary, it is the ULTIMATE definition of detaching that Grey so well describes in that book.

On the flip side, I agree that, probably, Retrouvaille is one of the FEW options, that, if you can get your WAS to agree to go to, offers the best chances of turning a near terminal marriage around.

Saving a healthy marriage that has wilted and is lingering is one thing. Staying in an unhealthy relationship that leaves you forever snooping, spying, doubting, distrusting...is another. Even Michele says that some marriages can't be saved. It is the wise person who can look at themselves and their WAS and decipher it.

Hang in Pandora. Keep your head up. Return your focus to yourself. Believe in yourself as a person and something worthy of being loved. We all support you.

FIB

Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11)
Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t
Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10
Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;