Ken,

You have to "burst the affair", you may have to beat that guys butt.

Read this:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1989879

She will hold onto the "best of both worlds" as long as she can get away with it. Life can kick her ass or you help it along, that may make her realize she really is playing with a good situation she has with you.