Spouse Suffering From Depression

[Lucky11too]

I'm feeling pretty frustrated again. You know how H said last week with that whole thing about how much he misses me and how he needs me to show that I want him, so I decided fine, I'll put myself out there again. On Thurs night, I text H to ask what plans he had this weekend. He said just that he was thinking about going out with his friends to watch some band on Fri night but nothing else going on (note that he had just hung out with his friends Weds and Thurs night). Hello? Do I fit anywhere in here? I don't really say much back, but then on Friday morning, it all sets in, so I texted him very straightfoward and bold, that basically this was me being straight on with him and how we're growing distance (his words) b/c we're not spending time together, so for him to ditch the friends that night and spend it with me. Then, me thinkging I'm being all savy, set up these boundaries that he had to come early this time and that he couldn't spend the night unless he was going to get up in the morning, so we could do something fun with S (no more just sleeping all day while S tries to get his attention!) He texts back a few minutes later that he already had his stuff in the car and wanted to be there in time to feed S his dinner and how he wouldn't be spending the night anyways b/c he can't sleep on my mattress. Ok then. (I'm already patting myself on the back here). So, H gets there, has dinner with us, helps feed S, plays with him for a bit, and then by an hour later he's texting with his friends and is getting ready to leave. OMG, he used my own boundaries against me as my boundaried fit right into his plan to be able to see S and hang out with his friends (but I had asked him to ditch the friends to have us time, which obviously did not happen) - totally trying to have his cake and eat it too. Obviously, I'm not going to beg him to stay or anything, so I just asked it he could help me get S ready for bed before he left, which he did.

By then, I was too annoyed and wasn't even going to ask about Saturday. Around noon though I get a text from H saying how sorry he is that he's not going to be able to come down b/c he is completely out of work shirts and must do laundry and has to go into work early. I'm sure it's an ADD thing, but honestly, there are 6 other days in the week he can do laundry - why does he have to wait for the one day where he could come to see us to do it? Oh wait, that's right, he was too busy getting his tattoo this week. Arrrrr! Anyways, we couldn't have done much with S anyway b/c he came down with some illness and had a fever and horrible congestion/cough, but it still would have been nice to have his support. Having a sick child is not easy b/c they just don't understand, and are just so crabby and fussy. It's hard though with S, b/c when he gets sick, he gets glued to me and won't let anyone else touch him. The days were long but at least he's been doing pretty good at night.

But back to H, despite my frustration, Sat night, I decided to try one more time. I texted H to let him know how S was doing and that b/c S was sick we would not be going to church so if he wanted to come over. He texts back that he's going to a friends bbq for his b-day, but will let me know if anything changes. Oh, thank you, how thoughtful. Gag me!

So needless to say, I'm over it all. I put myself out there and got rejected, so now I know where we're at. I just really feel like me and S will never be a priority. It's always something else - friends, work, going out, etc. It's just like pick me, pick S, and pick our family, and the rest we can work on. Whatever! If there was an easy way to cut ties, I would so do it, but I know a D is going to be painful on all parties. So I guess I kind of just go back into my protective shell again, and if H finally wants to make us a priority great, otherwise there's not much more I can do. Another bad weekend...