Good Morning. Well, yesterday was weird at best. My emotions were all over the board - I was tired from the previous late night , I ache from all of the home improvement projects I am working on, the kids were fighting, etc.

H picked up kids and it was fine. I mentioned that I was going to a meeting at church and while there all of my emotions came to the surface and I ended getting teary in front of a few hundred people. Of course, they all think I was emotional about the subject at hand (our pastor resigned at the recommendation of a synod committee) but the emotions were just bottled up from my sitch at home. I hadn't connected with this pastor as he isn't a one-on-one kind of guy - so I didn't even feel that I could turn to him about my H and I.

When I stood up to make comments, I commented on the importance of clear and open communication and keeping people informed of the process and decision making...that it is not so much about what happens in the end, but how you get there. Can you see how that can translate to my home sitch with a WAH who didn't speak up when he was unhappy?

Anyway, when I got home H and kids were here and I acted AS IF everything was fine. Got the kids to bed and then called H about weekend schedule and ended up crying on the phone to him. Told him I was not really all that upset by church sitch but by how it translates to home sitch. I told him I felt confused and unsure of how I fit into things. He said we could talk more tonight.

Needless to say, I am embarrassed about getting teary in front of the folks at church - but in the long run I could care less. I left after my comments but my mom said today that several people came up and told her and my dad that they appreciated my comments and that they came from the heart. (Little do they know)

So now I feel like an idiot about rambling to my H, and we will see what tonight holds. I am going to play it by ear as always and may just tell him "never mind". But they are honest emotions so...

Needless to say, today will be a high decluttering day since I have alot of nervous energy to expend. I have already done 2 loads of wash, worked on my consulting gigs, packed up all of the Halloween stuff, and done a load of dishes. My poor body can't keep up with what I want to get done. I may have to ask for another backrub!

Keep me sane folks. My PMA is still high - it just got knocked around a bit. I refuse to let it get low.

I can't blame this on PMS, but maybe I should start listening more when you guys talk about premenopause - I am 40 now after all

Gotta run to the bus stop and pick up S5. It's always great to have him come flying off the bus and into my arms!

totite "Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."