WAH in MLC with PA

[Mila]

(((DG))) - my heart goes out to you.

You have so much to deal with...if you feel overwhelmed maybe you should go and see a doctor to give you something to help you cope. Just a thought.

Take care of yourself first...only then can you take care of everything else.

[DiamondGirl]

Thanks Mila...

I've been on AD for about 14 years though.. and my meds are pretty high already... (according to H I'm a pill popper addict even though my depression has been stable up until he left and the only other pills I take are vitamins.. )

I just feel like I've got the weight of the world on my shoulders because of the choices I made in marrying H...(considering all of both of our shortcomings) I have both my kids and mom relying on me now to get through this for their sake as well as mine.. and I'm not sure I can.. I feel pretty weak emotionally (and mentally) right now..

One of my bill companies didn't update my banking info.. so now I have yet another thing to resolve...

[courageous wife]

DG-meds may help like Mila said! It is so easy to say, give it over to God, but it really does help and I have never been very religious...one day at a time, one thing at a time...it will all settle down and work out eventually!!! (((hugs)))

[Mila]

DG, I would go and see the doctor anyway, tell her how you feel, maybe there is something the doctor can do to help. You may be experiencing more of an anxiety then depression and there is medication that helps with that.

(((hugs)))

[Storm Rider]

Hi Diamond Girl,

Everyone has bad days or weeks, when the feelings take over. Its part of what you are dealing with and I think it is healthy to feel them as they hit you.

When I am in such a place, I give myself permission to feel them for a few days (a weekend works for me!) and just let it all out. I think the key for me is to have a plan to snap out of it once I have released them so I don't stay in that place too long. For example, over a weekend, by Sunday afternoon, I will make sure I do some sort of enjoyable exercise, give myself a facial or something, and wear some clothes I feel good in.

I will also think of the three things that have been hitting me hardest, and come up with a positive mantra for each one for when I go there again. I won't bother using them till Monday, but they are ready at least! I will then watch some sort of happy movie and work out a way to get to sleep ok that night.

It won't morph me back straight away, but puts me on a better path at least, which is a good enough goal for me at that time.

If I can't snap myself out of a bad zone in a couple of days (by at least feeling better each day than the day before), then I will talk to a friend who will help me work out if I should do something more formal.

These periods seem to happen to me when I have been doing ok, then get several hits in a short period of time. I do always notice a greater feeling of detachment and peace when I do reach the other side, so hang in there!

[DiamondGirl]

Feeling a little better today.. Thanks to all of your support as I spent some of last night reading the boards and just sitting in a quiet office with no distractions. It helped that I took a "stress nap" before I picked up D3 from daycare for about an hour before that... I just sat in my car with my eyes closed and listened to the sounds around me, not thinking (or trying not to anyway)... eventually I zoned out for about 10 minutes and felt calmer afterwards..

I woke up this morning feeling calmer and with the decision playing in my mind that I need to plan as if I am moving out.. whether or not I actually do.. That way I can do a real house purge of clutter and get organized..

[flowmom]

DG, it's super hard to cope with those emotions when you don't have time to yourself. (((hugs)) . I can relate to how there was a lot of numbness before the sitch hit the fan. It really helped me to read The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: Turn the End of a Relationship into the Beginning of a New Life. It helped me to understand where my feelings were coming from and how to cope with them. I know you probably don't have time to read books right now, but I hope that you can make some time for self care...we can't afford to fall apart in these situations when our children are depending on us. Remember how strong you are even when you feel gripped by emotions. You might want to talk to your doctor. What I notice is that most LBS are struggling more with anxiety than depression, and many LBS have posted that anti-anxiety medications have helped them survive their sitches. This is a time in your life to lean on others and use any resources that are available to you. Whatever gets you through the day!! take care...

[DiamondGirl]

I'm having a real crisis of faith in my self and life right now..

I feel as if I've failed in my marriage and life and that I put my love and faith in someone who may have been the wrong choice. I thought my marriage was one of the strong ones.... That it was worth all the sacrifices I made throughout... That at some point things would work out...

If I was so wrong about that, and was so leavable, then how can I be right about me being strong enough for my children? How can I trust any decisions I make from now on? I may have made so many wrong turns that there is no path to happiness out of this tangled mess...

I feel so alone and left behind and scared and not worth sticking around for...replaceable...

I don't think anything will ever feel like it will be okay...

[job]

DG,
What you are experiencing is very normal. You have not failed your marriage, nor have you failed yourself. He is the one that walked out rather than try to work on the marriage. He is the one that took the easy way out rather than do the work that is required to make himself whole and to work with you to make your marriage whole once again. You did not select this path...you were forced to make this journey and this journey will be a lesson in faith as well as one of learning.

DG, in time, things will right themselves enough that you will get your footing once again. Some day, you will wake up and see the sun and smile once more. It won't be tomorrow or the next tday, but I promise you, it will happen.

All I ask is that you be kind to yourself, pamper yourself a bit today and remember that you have many, many friends here who are here to help you along the way....you are a surviver, not a failure.

[courageous wife]

(((DG)))

When you made the choice to love your H and put your faith in him, he was a different person. There is no way you could have known how he would change like he has. You had wonderful children with him and a good life until the MLC monster took over! Yes, he did leave you but not BECAUSE of YOU!!!

You are NOT replaceable, especially to your children!! I know this is hard...the worst thing ever and it WILL get better but it is up to YOU!

You are not alone! He is with you always! So are we!