Getting started again.

[Lost Rabbit]

Was having a pretty nice weekend, had offered to stay at home and tidy up as H has the vat man coming on monday, and we decided to pop out and get a bit of food shopping..

Got in his car to see a plastic card cover the sort you get covering birthday cards and knew full well I hadnt been sent any cards by him! So I asked, H twitches when he is lying or uncomfortable so straight away I knew he was avoiding me, he said he didnt know and honestly I just straight out said "stop lying to me" yes its sis again, she has had an op and he sent her a get well soon card.

So I pushed and asked why he was lying and got well every time I tell you about her you lose it, so unfair I dont lose it, I got upset because last time I found out I'd been held responsible for six years for something I had not done. So tbh I did lose it this time and got called a dictator. So I reminded him again of why I want this transparency and tbh he was toy throwing and if Id pushed he honestly would have walked, he turned the car round and tried to go home and ignore me, but I finally got him to stop the car and talk to me, and again explained that I cant have three people in a marriage. Think I finally might and its a big might got through to him! I said I wanted to know as I was sick and tired of it getting between us and we had to lay it to rest some how, and although I was never going to be 100% happy about her Id rather know what is going on and the fact he was hiding things made me all the more suspicious when I probably didnt need to be.

If the truth be told I just wanted to tell him its over, I really wished I had. I deserve more and I doubt if Im ever gone get it, was able to say I didnt know if he'd come back because I have the money, and he said he didnt he came back because he wanted to, I said I felt that I was only here to come back to when he'd finished enjoying what he wanted and did he want to be single, which he replied no!

Feel really low even though I probably turned it around and moved it forward but I honestly dont know why I bothered, I dont want to be second best any more Im worth more than that!

Sorry folks grumpy rabbit here!