Need a Plan for My Marriage

[LSG]

Today started out okay. W decides she wants to take the kids somewhere fun without me. Initially, I was upset, but I just let it go. The kids were upset and wated me to go, so I just said have a good time with your mom.

I just have to let go of things that I can't change. It does not mean I have to like it.

Then she called to ask which card to use for gas, and I told I was going to do that later, and I had decided yet. She said, "don't worry about it; I will take care of it." I asked here "where do you have all this money from." She said it is none of your business. I said we are still a married couple, so it is my business. She said okay bye. I just hung up. I should not have said anything. I messed up a litle.

[DaddyLongShanks]

LSG,

I just got blamed in another thread "MrBond" in the OfficerInNeed thread for cheating on my wife. He was saying "aren't you the one who cheated on her, and now that the shoe is on the other foot you are P.O.d".

I explained to him that I have never cheated on my wife or been in an inappropriate situation.


My wife has also had debit cards, etc. I know I'm not putting funds on them and have had to wonder if there is some helpful "OM" doing this.

LSG, on your wife getting progressively mean and rude to you. While they are cheating you and embellishing in it, they are building up a ego that actually does not like you. It will attack you, and as you see through her treatment and communication. Its getting worse and you didn't do anything, but in this case be innocent and she knows it.

I went ahead and started doing marriage councelling. My wife unloaded a laundry list on me, I got most of the points down on paper though. I did not get to respond because the session ended. I will respond in the next session if she participates.

Remember this, no matter how bad the spouse gets. There are others out there who will be happy to be with you, and WILL NOT want to get over on you. Remember that to keep your security.

on the OM, you have to find a way to blow that open. Its good for the self esteem and will be an instantaneous reversal. Plus the longer the relationship goes on, the worse things will be for you.

LSG,

I talked with MrBond in the other thread. What he pointed out is that I cheated on my ex to get with my current wife. That he wanted me to think from the perspective of a wayward spouse, in what it would take to get through.

It is very hard to talk with a wayward spouse. In their mind it is already made up. They're doing what they "want" to do.

In thinking about it from the wayward position, the best communication you can do is non-verbal. Plus in my particular situation in my past relationshpi where I was the wayward.

The BEST thing that could have been done and about the only thing that would have worked was an "affair bursting".

You see with no girlfriend at the time, I would be forced to look at the situation. It would have been cheaper and less painful not to mention much safer to just take my ass home. This is the position most of us are in now.

I am now standing by affair bursting as a huge and effective way, if you are going to have a chance with your spouse. Its an affair bursting along with bursting anything that your spouse is doing thats "on the edge" ( drugs, stealing, criminal or ethical misgivings, etc ).

The 180 and GAL is for us LBS's so that we can build up strength and restore confidence in the face of sure demise. I'm not real confident in the "better option" technique, but it is good to do it for yourself.

We have to find a way to burst affairs and the desireability in them.

[DaddyLongShanks]

Today started out okay. W decides she wants to take the kids somewhere fun without me. Initially, I was upset, but I just let it go. The kids were upset and wated me to go, so I just said have a good time with your mom.

I just have to let go of things that I can't change. It does not mean I have to like it.

Then she called to ask which card to use for gas, and I told I was going to do that later, and I had decided yet. She said, "don't worry about it; I will take care of it." I asked here "where do you have all this money from." She said it is none of your business. I said we are still a married couple, so it is my business. She said okay bye. I just hung up. I should not have said anything. I messed up a litle.

While she's doing that, nothing will be effective except the 180. I know the attitude, and you can't be nice to it because it will take advantage of you and you see you can't argue with it, because it will shout you down. Gaining pride and ego in her adulteress ways even though you ARE RIGHT. Its frustrating.

robx discussed some techniques which aren't "nice", but pretty effective. I'm a fan of bursting that affair.

[LSG]

DaddyLongShanks,

Thanks. I will check them out.

After she left, I was feeling really down. I decided since I had not cleaned in ages, I would clean up around here. She never does anything, and I am pretty clean guy about things, but I had not done much since the whole A started. It felt really good to have everything looking nice for a change. It is never filthy or dirty, but I just need to do some real good cleaning. It wasted some time, and I feel pretty good about it.

I am just relaxing, and taking some time to myself to enjoy the place. I never really liked this apartment because we moved here against my better judgement at the beginning of the A. My way to try to make things better at the time.

Did not work! I know....it would not.

[LSG]

Today, I think I blew it. I was angry at W for taking the kids all day. She said she wanted to do something fun with them. She took them to the beach near the OM's house even though she did not see him, she did call him while they were driving. Got a ticket for talking on the cell phone too. She said she will pay for it with her money, and it is not my problem. I asked her what is her money. She said, "it was none of my business." I said it is because we are a married couple. I new I was getting no where, and I needed to be calm, but I have been holding it in.

She said she put gas in the car, but that was just enough for her to go where she went. That is real nice of her.

We argued about the kids and some other stuff. I told her she has some real problems. I guess I needed to do better calming myself. It is just that I have been so calm for so many weeks with her being so rude that I just could not keep it in. I wish I could control this bitnerness even more. I had been doing so good at it. I do not want to ruin the progress I have slowly been making.

The kids said they missed me and wished that I had gone with them. I told them I wished I could have and that I missed them very much and thought about them all day.

I wish this OM would leave my family alone, and she would leave his family alone. I know it is wishful thinking. I am just trying to get my bad energy released to keep doing what I need to do for myself, my kids, and my family. It really does not help the situation or make a difference.

I do meet the OMW next Friday, and my W and the OM do not know yet that we have been talking. I wonder if she will tell her husband, and if i should tell my wife sometime. I will ask her what she wants to do. I do not want to cause her more pain than she is already feeling. I know what she is going through.

I just keep hope alive that my M will somehow survive the A like some of the success stories that have happened on this forum. I know everyone here would like that too. Just hoping!!!

[DaddyLongShanks]

LSG,

Sounds good. Also if OM has any dirt on him may as well have his W reveal that to the appropriate sources.

You need to calm yourself down and appear as the "good choice" before your break this affair wide open.

As you can see, as long as she has him to talk to you get zero respect. She has been empowering that OM at your painful expense. Keep us filled in.

[LSG]

Hey DaddyLongShanks,

I have been doing my best to be calm.

I keep wondering when the OM has knowledge that his wife knows about the A if that will make a difference in any way. I guess I will find out. I wonder if he will be angry that I told his W and that we are talking behind their backs. I am not worried about this coward doing anything to me. He hides an A with my W, and he will not meet me like I asked him to when we spoke once. I hope he is highly upset for once. We will see.

I guess (or hope) I will find out soon.

I will keep you guys updated.

[LSG]

Went to a wedding with W, and we won a trip to Vegas, but she wants me or her to go alone with the kids. I want to go as a family, but I think her mind is set. I know what to do.

Went to my temporary job today, and it was a lot of fun, but I became very sad on the way home thinking about the trip to Vegas and my M. I do not know why I am sad today when I have not been for a while or angry yesterday. I have all these emotions. I guess something inside of me is telling me that our M is over. She also talked to the OM on the cell phone when she was out with the kids.

I hate these feeling that I am having. I just needed to reveal and talk about them to keep myself grounded and calm about my mess of a life. I have been doing good with my feelings. I don't want to let them take over me.

If is over I can't do nothing more about it. I will keep trying, but I it is taking its toll on me. I have noticed today how much weight I keep losing.

That is all...

[DaddyLongShanks]

Went to a wedding with W, and we won a trip to Vegas, but she wants me or her to go alone with the kids. I want to go as a family, but I think her mind is set. I know what to do.

Went to my temporary job today, and it was a lot of fun, but I became very sad on the way home thinking about the trip to Vegas and my M. I do not know why I am sad today when I have not been for a while or angry yesterday. I have all these emotions. I guess something inside of me is telling me that our M is over. She also talked to the OM on the cell phone when she was out with the kids.

I hate these feeling that I am having. I just needed to reveal and talk about them to keep myself grounded and calm about my mess of a life. I have been doing good with my feelings. I don't want to let them take over me.

If is over I can't do nothing more about it. I will keep trying, but I it is taking its toll on me. I have noticed today how much weight I keep losing.

That is all...

Thats wack.

LSG, I'm sure the wedding is a mutual acquantance. I'd let them go ahead of me and book a later flight. Your friends aren't going to go well seeing you guys isolated from each other, so if you can be calm it should make your WAW a little uncomfortable.

[LSG]

DaddyLongShanks,

We won the tickets at a wedding for Vegas. She wants either her or me to take the kids to Vegas separately.

Last night she came home around 7:15 pm and said her boss dropped her off. I don't know. Anyways she asked about my job, and I said it was "good." Not more to say. Found out for sure that her and OM were together on Friday for a while.

Off to training today, so got to go.