"I HAVE NOT CHEATED ON OR BEEN IN AN INAPPROPRIATE SITUATION AGAINST MY WIFE. "
You mean your "current" W. I was referring to the fact that you cheated on your past W with this W. Or was this not your sitch?
You talk alot about your W's selfish attitude, etc. But you said that's how you were when you cheated on your first W. You understand the WAS's thoughts very well. Maybe I'm not getting why you're so puzzled by your W's behavior. All you need to do is what you think you might have wanted your first W to do to you to save the M.
MrBond,
Yes I know the ways of a wayward from both positions. Thanks for responding to a way I can understand. I have been thinking about this from the wayward point of view and what it would have took for my ex-Wife to have gotten me back. It would have been really tough, because the more time I spent with and enjoyed with my current W ( the then girlfriend ) - the stronger our connection became and the greater distance I put to my ex-Wife.
I did know that my ex-Wife was virtuous, mostly principled person and that she did nothing wrong. My ego at the time was very proud of myself, but it did not turn like some of these female waywards who'se ego changes to make itself hate the LBS.
It would have taken a near death experience and the wife is there and the at the time girlfriend bailed on me or put me in the bad position. That would have been an instantaneous wakeup call.
Or possibly a meeting where its determined that my girlfriend at the time was unloyal, was only out for my money, revealed she really didn't like me, and had put me in a position where I was in harms way. That would have woken me up.
It appears that some sort of "affair bursting" would have been really effective in that I would be forced to focus on the reality of having a wife I cheated on, but nomore "girlfriend". I don't think I would have left the wife at that point. It would have taken some time and I may have tried to protect my pride, but over time I would have realized it is going to be cheaper and safer to stay at home and that I put us all in harms way.
Theres other scenarios. But what wasn't going to work is like most of these waywards. Damn its tough to look at it from that way.
My wife at the time wasn't going to talk me out of it, or be nice to me and I would have stopped what I was doing. I was focused on my attatchment to my "then girlfriend" and when I would get to see her next.
Unlike a female wayward if she did these I would appreciate it for her, but I was focused on my connection to my "then girlfriend". I did not hate my wife, despite my terrible and hurtful actions.
Some of the female waywards are different ( and I know some males do it to ), where they will resent acts of generousity from their spouse.
Being on the other end, I know how hard it is to get through and communicate. My current wife blocks out nearly everything I say. PLUS on top of it, if anyone accuses me of anything she takes their side.
By the way the part that really sucks ( I probably should start my thread ), is I have been moved into a hotel. This after a long period of time where she is taking things away from me ( compassion, intimacy, spending time, sleeping in bed, sharing, won't let me fill husband role, etc etc). The point is she was showing she doesn't "need" me.
We did have a marriage counseling which was interesting and I am prepared to go for 2 years if current wife participates or at least sits in the room with me. Also will do Retrauville in July.
Working with a wayward is very hard to say the least. Now that I think about it, you can't really say much to them because in their mind its already made up.
