Reconnecting - Do they know?

[HeartsBlessing]

First of all, read Snodderly's responses above.

HB Can you explain a bit more about the 'awakening' and what may be going through the MLC mind at this time.
Thanks

I answered this question once before. I cannot say what exactly happens within the MLC'er's mind, as each person going through is different; BUT something happens to get their attention, and it causes them to begin the "awakening" within. It doesn't happen the SAME way to ALL...and for some who get stuck in the tunnel, it doesn't happen at all...they remain stuck for the rest of their lives.

It's a decision THEY must make, and no one else.

Again, each person and MLC is different, the timeframes are always different, and the amount of damage within from childhood wounds, etc., is different

Here's something I posted before that was the answer to a question you'd posted to me:

Do you think OW could still be around during this time of awakening?

Yes, most definitely..it varies, though; some experience an ending of the Midlife affair, then go through the awakening experience; some are still in the affair when the awakening hits, something significant happens to make them wake up to what they are doing; and they start doing crazy stuff. It doesn't always have something to do with LBS and the family they left behind. For some, it's like they "wake up" and all of a sudden realize they are losing everything, for others they are "caught" in the Midlife affair, for still others it's the discovery of the sneaky things they've been doing that they can't deny.....and what comes about is a total confusion within; then a direction comes open for them to begin to try "fixing" things; setting things back to what they were, or so they think.

Their house of cards begins to fall apart, and the abuse they've heaped on the LBS for a time then can transfer to the OW to make her go away. At the same time, they act crazy enough that LBS begins to wonder if he/she's lost MORE of their mind.

They are "time challenged" having more or less LOST that time, and don't understand why everything has changed..Memory loss is a hallmark of this; they really DON'T remember a lot of the stuff they did..there's so much damage they don't even know where to begin to start.

And the pressure mounts, even as OW Withdrawal sets in after they get rid of her. They're on edge as never before. I'm not saying have sympathy for the crap they've gotten themselves into, but some understanding is in order here.

I had a rough time understanding it, myself; had to have it explained several times..as it was mind boggling to me.

That's why detaching, distancing and just watching the situation is important for the LBS; NO SENSE at all can be made of what's happening during this time.


Like I said, I cannot say what's in the Midlifer's mind, exactly. What's in their mind doesn't really matter, as you cannot "play" off that nor do anything to help them, anyway.

All I know is the MLC mind is fraught with confusion at all times, all during this crisis. NOTHING makes sense, and why they do what they do, right OR wrong doesn't make sense to you or me.

Even though there are moments of clarity at times, they are few and far in between.

It honestly doesn't matter what brings them to the awakening, and attempting to start the journey back toward their life and marriage, it only matters that they do it, and that you keep the patience to help bring them through when it's time.

You are the only one who knows when that time is right.