What does this mean?- the WH's regrets?

[pearlharbr]

Gatsby, sorry if I come across as blunt. I've had a rough couple days and I sometimes let that show through in my posts. Please understand that I don't intend to be mean. I feel a blunt perspective is often lacking and offer that to people who I think can handle it (because that's what I respond to).

Newmama is right and that's why I bring up OW. It's a different ballgame with an EA/PA going on. Strict DBing says to ignore the OP but in my experience (and MANY others here) ignoring it and letting the WAS cake-eat simply does not work. Newmama and I have a friend here (mindfull) who has been DBing her butt off for the last 1.5 years only to find out now that her H is cheating and likely has been for 2+ years. Similar thing with courts0818, her H just admitted his A and she's reeling from the discovery. Being blindsided is bad, being prepared is good.

If there is OW in the picture then don't believe for a second that your responses pushed H further away. I think his plan for controlled separation was just a way to set himself up to explore his other option and keep you on the back burner in case things with OW didn't work out.

It doesn't have to be a deal breaker for you. I thought it was for me, then realized it wasn't. (Well, it still may be, I haven't really decided 100%.) I do think that now is the time to really contemplate it.

Yes, I did end things with BF and prepared to move forward on my own. That is when he came back around. Just like you saw movement when you brought up filing for D. When you backed down things went back to limbo status quo.

I loved reading your posts that talked about being happy with yourself for yourself, not for bringing your H back. And I agree 100% with the idea that H should come back because he wants to, not because you pressured or coerced him in any way.

I know that DB says not to file or move the D along if it isn't what you want. I subscribed to that philosophy at the begninning. If BF wanted out then he was going to have to man up and say so, I wasn't going to do his dirty work for him. But then I realized that who he was (lying, cheating coward) was pathetic and I wanted no part of that. If he didn't have the balls to end things then I certainly did and good riddance. That is when I truly let go of everything and he knew it.

Don't file as a tactic because there is no guarantee your H will suddenly realize the error of his ways and come running back. But understand that unless there is a crisis he is unlikely to do that.

As gucci loafer likes to say, men are a dime a dozen and you've got a pocketful of change. Why would you want a poor excuse for a man who doesn't want or deserve you? You sound like a smart, sassy, independent woman--you're a great catch. Men marry single mothers all the time (my dad did). If your H isn't willing to stand up and be the man you deserve then someone else will.

Ok, climbing off my soap box now.

P.S. Just because he said there isn't someone else doesn't mean a damn thing. All cheaters lie. Period. They cling to their lies even when confronted with hard evidence to the contrary. If your gut is telling you something is going on then it is.