Just found out she already filed

[ImprovedRomeo]

Wii, CTH, thanks for the perspective.

CTH, I do have that book and read it every now and then. Sometimes I feel like I'm in the internalizing phase, then rage but then go back to shattering...roller coaster.

Journaling:
So, last night DD again said she didn't want to call STBXW. So I texted her around 8:30p saying 'DD says she doesn't want to call but to tell you that she loves you. I asked a few times to call you but she didn't want to.'

At 9:30p STBXW response 'That's OK, I forgot my stupid phone when we went to dinner. Going to sleep, thanks for watching her and having a fun hike with her!'

doh! it was my weekend to watch her anyway and I'm not the one who wants to be a part-time parent. She does seem a bit 'chatty' lately - in the past whenever she's been nice to me was because she'd done something bad like filing for divorce etc (which in this case she's already done). So that's a concern.

So this morning I lied awake thinking of all the things I want to tell her and how to say it like "well I've been thinking about our R and I've decided I don't want to be with someone who doesn't appreciate me. I'm a great catch (so is she, many guys would be willing to be with her) despite my flaws (we all have those) but I'm not a lying, cheating, betrayer. I'm a great dad and wanted to be a great partner to you and for that reason one day I'll be able to look back and be OK knowing I did what I could've."

Of course, I won't bring up any R talk unless she does and when I do I don't know if this is what I should say to her. Like a roller coaster what I want to say changes each day.

I still feel like telling her that I don't think she should come to the girl scout thing I'm more than capable of bringing DD there myself and two in the end it's hard for DD to go home with one parent and not the other, she cries.