so husband dropped d bomb yesterday. he said he wanted to talk...first he apologized for his behavior and crazy mood swings, sorry for everything i've had to go through. then he asked that one day he hopes i can forgive him. then he said, he's realized this has dragged out too long and is ready to get a divorce.
god, it was emotional. he cried and i hugged him. i cried some too but pulled myself together and comforted him. told him that i know things have been so rough on him. (i know being in an MLC, he must be hurting so much. i see it, all the pain, the confusion, the hurt.)
he talked about how he hates hurting people...how he never imagined life would be like this. i told him i forgave him (and i made a prayer in my heart that i sincerely do).
i just held him and he was quiet for a while. he opened up about stuff...said he feels like God is just pushing him towards something...and that one day why all of this is happening will make sense.
he said a few times how i deserve better. he's like i know you don't want to hear that but "you really do."
while all this was happening, i seriously was doing all i could to just hold myself together.
allowing him to just talk though and let him know that i know he's hurting gave him space. we went to bed that night and he cuddled with me and was really sweet. i know not to look into it...sigh.
it hurts to think the finality of it all. i still remember the good times, the way we were, and now it's all gone.
it hurts so bad, like my son died and now my husband will be dead to me. i'm trying to pull myself together and still be strong. do what the db coach said, not break down and just be pleasant...let the dust settle.
anyways, just need some lovin right now...feeling so sad.
