"I have only really been venting in my journal. I know this is annon. but it is still hard for me to let out the most hurtful things."
A Journal is fine. Only advice I have on that is to make sure that you H NEVER finds it or reads it!! Not because you are hiding something.. but because it will be taken out of context. If they are your thoughts.. it is fine. Make sure the journal is secure.
DB.com is not a "great" place to vent as it is "public". So with that in mind you need to protect your username "here". If you have any doubts about what I am telling you.. just search your username. The thing DB.com does offer is the different perspective you may get from "someone" thru your "venting". This to me is one of the most important things you will ever find. As long as you separate you from your username you will be fine. Never post your real "info" unless you want people to know who you are. I gave you all this info.. simply because I feel like I am missing something. I need you to talk to me.
"I have a H that I love dearly and there are no longer any kisses, ILY, hugs, no ML for a few months."
This is just normal.. par for the course. Do you know what you Love Language is?
What would you guess your H is?
If you don't know how to define "LL" just search it up on Google.
"The idea that there could be OW is eating me up."
We will get back to this. Just follow along.
"I don't understand this. Can you explain a little more?"
You.. are NOT.. a victim here. The only reason you came to DB.com was to find answers on how to "fix" things. In doing just that you now subject yourself to being "looked over". Critiqued. As I have stated I am the one that is gonna "look you over". As will others..
What do you think your H would say about you? Frame your thoughts in that he is talking to his "Journal".
"I want to make a change so that I can regain control."
You said it. It was a statement.
"I think you mean, regain control of H. That is not what I mean. "
No. You just want control. Which is very normal.. and expected.
My thoughts go like this. YOU have been in control of this R for a long time. In doing so.. you have been found lacking by your H. Now.. he is looking to control the situation. From your report so far.. he has been found lacking. He used a "Emotional" response.. to make you react "Emotional". Problem is.. you were.. and still are "Emotional".
The silly thing is.. you share something in common now.
You both suck equally at explaining your thoughts and "Emotions".
Call me crazy.. but that seems like something to build on.
"I certainly don't feel like someone who doesn't have any problems yet."
Well.. what have you really lost?
"I have lost my BFF and am being threatened with losing my H."
But.. you have just been threatened. He is not gone yet. I think I read somewhere that he had a panic attack when you said you were leaving?
"If he moves out tomorrow, I will fall to pieces, no doubt."
See.. lemme say it again. I need to "see" your pieces now. Cause that is what I do. I am a pretty good "fixer".
"He has been diagnosed and is on an SSRI."
On "this" I can't help you any.
But.. some of the DB.com ideas can still help you.
I will leave it at that.
"I am on the fence about that being a deal breaker (remember, I took "forever" vows)."
I need to know if it will/won't be. I have been "here" long enough to know how to pick my battles.
"I really hope I will log on here before I do anything."
Until you say yes or no to the question.. you do just that.
"this part of your post gave me nightmares last night....."
Why? Are you scared of what is going to happen?
1 person can change things. Never be scared of what you may have to do. Get to the point where you have to choose what to do.. then you win. You don't have to control people.. in order to make that happen. 9 times out of 10.. they will come to you. You have the smarts to lead the way. You have the "Gumption" to make it happen. You just have to change and refine your ways.
"As always, thank you for taking the time to post to me."
My LL is Physical. So instead of saying it.. you are gonna have to show me.
As always, Thank you, for taking the time to listen and maybe learn something.
Now..
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
