Originally Posted By: flowmom
You're not going to intellectually convince him to reconcile. It's going to have to come from him.


This is true, and it continues to be hard for me to understand. I'm a thinker, but I cannot (and do not) expect everyone to sort through things the way I do.

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Of course, what you can do to help this is to be the 8 that he fell in love with, do any 180s that you need to do for YOU, GAL, be unpredictable, etc. Oh and detach smile . Reconcilers, esp LBW, always seem to pin their success on detachment, GAL, and 180s.


I finally believe I'm beginning to understand detachment. This is coming after my conversation with him last Monday and my third IC session last Tuesday. I've been good with the GAL, and I try to come up with 180s regularly. However, I haven't understood detachment until this past week. I think I'm ready to ease into it.

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One thing that concerns me a bit about your strategy is that your H might be liking the communicating you because he wants pseudo-friendship and enough connection to assuage his guilt. It could be that your communicating and being open with your feelings is working for him, but not in a way that's going to trigger a reignition of his romantic interest in you. Think back to courtship-era 8 and think about what attracted him to you.

I think that if I was more open about my emotions it might feel comfortable to H because he'd have a sense of where I'm at. It's possibly a bit unsettling for him that he has no idea what's going on with me...but I'm hoping that's good because it introduces doubt into his mind: "maybe I don't know her as well as I think I do...maybe she has changed".


Thanks for contributing this part about communication with him. I haven't thought much about how he could be using this to make it work for him. I'll do some thinking about what "courtship 8" was like and how to reel him back in.