Just found out she already filed

[ImprovedRomeo]

Thanks for the info "Old Friend"

You're so right about reminding myself that it is something I HAVE to do. I already do that and it helps. Sometimes I'm just unsure if perhaps it'd easier to catch the bee with the honey than not?

Journaling:
So STBXW left yesterday for her out of town 100 mile biking trip. I knew she was leaving Fri but wasn't sure when, where she's staying, who she's going with etc. I tried to not think about it much. Last night she texted around 8:30pm saying "Are you guys around? I'm going to sleep soon...just checking if DD can call now [to say goodnight]?". I saw the text but DD didn't want to talk to her so I figured I'd let her know after I put DD to bed. The whole time I kept wondering why she's going to bed so early? I think the logical explanation would be that she has to get up early for her bike ride but I kept thinking what if she doesn't want us to call her later in case she's with someone else - my heart was pounding out of my chest, I was feeling knots in my stomach.

Anyway, I was so emotionally tired that I fell asleep on the floor next to DD's bed - didn't even get to change etc.

So this morning I sent her an email:

"Just saw your text from last night, sorry. DD didn't want to call you last night and I meant to let you know but I guess I was so tired I just fell asleep next to her bed. You can call her today if you want. Hope you're having fun biking!"

Then this afternoon as DD and I were having lunch at a local fast food joint she texted (multiple):

"Almost half way. Tell DD I missed her and I love her! At mile 43 rest stop"

Then a few mins later:
"At lunch now mile 60. Waited for signal."

So I responded:
"Wow, you're more than half way done. What time did you start? We're having lunch too"

Her:
"At 6:45!!! tired." and she attached a pic of her wearing her biking gear etc.

Me:
"Can't see the pic very well on this crappy BB but that doesn't look like you" I attached a pic of DD from this morning when we went on a small hike with her bug catching kit

Her:
"awww cute, did she catch any bugs?"

Me:
"She did"

Her again:
"Darn, can show you the pic tomorrow. Don't forget DD's international day tomorrow."

I didn't feel it was necessary to respond after that.

So I'm still thinking about who she's with in the back of my mind but really she doesn't have to be out of town to do that. She could've already been doing that for all I know. I just don't trust her anymore. However, when she's nice, chatty and funny darn it to heck I still want her back and for things to stay the way they are at that moment - how they mostly were before.

I don't feel like spending 4hrs at some girl scout festival and I don't know why she keeps insisting she'll meet us there. Honestly, I'd rather not see her.