tired of trying...

[beingreal]

5. Without demanding blood tests, how do I determine if he is doing drugs again? His parents wouldn't like that, but they were clueless when he was a teenager. They won't have caught on any quicker now that they are older.

You know your H the best. Do you think he is back using again?? What problems in the past has this caused? Are you seeing them again?


6. In the end, am I just to act like everything is fine? Even though, according to him, I'm the one who kicked him out? He told me he hated me, I told him if he was that unhappy to leave. I gave him the out, he took it & I didn't stop it. I don't know what you'd call that, or which side of the fence I'm supposed to be on.

This is hard but that's what they say here."Act as IF"
Be happy in front of him.

The phrase I saw a lot this week was" Fake It Until You Make IT".

These are my view points from my process, others may have different view and that's OK. Take what you think is best for your Sitch.
I'll check back later this evening. My Friday night plans fell through.

I got all the way through that (was writing in chunks as the day has progressed) and realized I hadn't answered some of your questions.

Let's see...

I'm going to let things calm down a bit before I do anything. Not to give him time to come back, or time to fix the M, but time to calm down a bit. Nothing good can come of pushing things while he is so mad. But thank you for the clue about a mediator.

I don't know if he's using again. Do I think so? Yes, I do. But I'm also very likely to believe the worst right now. I do believe that if he wasn't before he left, he will be soon enough. I know some of the friends he has down there, it's a norm for the people in that circle. And another reason I've always been afraid of him leaving & my kids going to visit him. I have no control in what the will see or what he'll be doing.

A have a coworker who's xH came to get their kids, she had already put the one in the car seat & was leaning in the car saying goodbye to other when she noticed the open beer can. He had come to get their kids drunk. She tried to get them out, he locked the doors, pulled away & sped off. She dialed 911 and they pretty much did nothing, he was across town & in his house before they caught up to him. Crap like that scares me.

But I digress. Again. lol

Why would he leave? Well, let's see. According to him...I'm controlling. And a bitch. And keep him on a short leash. And only want him here to babysit. And wanted him to finish college so he could get a better job so I could get more money.

I know there's more. Give me a minute.

I let him do all of the housework, I refuse to fold & put away laundry. I'm lazy. I'm on the internet too much. I shop too much & love to spend money(grocery shopping & clearance sales all year for kid's clothes & Christmas gifts does not a shopaholic make). I think I'm better than him. I hate his family. I'm secretly looking for his replacement.

I'm sure I could think of more things he's laid out there in the past few months--but this is giving me a headache.

Maybe he's right. Maybe he really does hate me.

*sigh*