tired of trying...

[beingreal]

I'm sorry about your plans, gr8. And I'm sorry I just threw all those questions out there. I didn't really mean for you to answer them all by yourself. lol...I'm hoping someone else wants to jump, too.

Well--yesterday's update--S6 had been asking to call H every few hours, and since I told him he could call anytime he wanted, I let him. H wasn't happy & asked me to stop. He's working outside at his parents house and doesn't want to stop to answer the phone. Okay, fair enough--we'll stick to the 730pm agreement. I then had that conversation with S6 about asking him to come over. I used your example almost ver batim.

I called the credit union yesterday afternoon, spoke with the girl who helped us open the accounts. I explained what was going on--you can't remove him from the account without him coming in to sign, but you can close the accounts & reopen them in my name alone. Which is what I did. I have all the receipts for what was closed, how much was in it & everything is labeled for future reference. We literally have next to nothing since he's been in school, I just want to be above reproach. I'm not looking to screw him over, I just want to protect myself.

The credit cards & all of the utilities are in my name. The cars & car insurance are in his name. We both have life insurance policies--the premiums come out of the checking account. I need to call them Monday and see about changing beneficiaries. I'm pretty sure I can keep the policy on him, just to help with the kids if something happens. We are living in a property that my grandmother owns & pay rent to her estate via my father--so my landlord is very forgiving. lol

Speaking of my father...I finally saw my parents yesterday. My father is really upset with H--ready to go to *war* he said. I told him no one is going to war...H is mad and lashing out, like a child. Ride it out & don't make it worse by responding to everything. You don't have to engage in every fight you're invited to. I also reminded my family that I don't want people talking badly about him. Not only is it painful to realize that I am still married to someone who can behave like this, but I don't want the kids to overhear bad things. He is the only father they are going to have--I am not going to destroy their relationship to make myself feel better. He's doing a good enough job of that himself.

I've decided not to tell him about the accounts or the insurance yet. I'm not hiding it from him, there is just no reason to bring it up right now. It will only anger him. He's angry enough without trying to add fuel to the fire.

This morning was the first practice for Tball that H was supposed to coach. I took the equipment to the field and was met by a group of parents who looked about as lost as I did. The new coach wasn't there--just me. Ummm.... I managed to run through the roster & get the kids on the field to run some bases & field some balls. By the time the coach got there I was out of ideas. I was so glad when he finally took over. I had to leave the field because I was near tears. I don't know why. I did tear up later as I was giving the coach all the paperwork & going over what I knew. They were just as clueless as I was.

Don't know why it took Tball practice for me to finally feel some resentment towards H. I came home I cleaned the mess in the garage. Took me three hours--but I did it.

Moving forward...but starting to feel it. It's starting to feel real.

If you've made it this far, here's a little reward...

The friend I mentioned earlier who has cancer has a *Bucket List* that she is actively marking things off of. It's become a group effort for those of us in her circle to *make things happen* for her. Someone found her blog, read her bucket list & saw that she wanted to meet Tim McGraw. They just happened to have tickets to his concert last night, so they GAVE them to her! With like two days notice her sister emailed his management group, told them about my friend & she ended up going backstage for a preshow acoustic concert!! She met him, got pictures, a hug & a kiss. Another dream come true & another one off the bucket list.

Finally some happy tears this week.

Just thought I'd share that. :o)