- met with WAH two days ago. I gave him the 'wont be friends' speech (practiced it and came out a charm). when he said he'd never lied that the OW was still there, i put up my hand , said 'stop - no more lies, it's disrespectful'. it worked.
- told him i was walking away, that I didn't want this M anymore, he was right, it's not possible today.
- said he would bring OW to live in this country if he finds work, otherwise he will go back to live with her in Europe.
- wont give gurantees about being around. but says 'we can't write the future - anything could happen'.
- he would like the baby to take both our names. He presented for the first time a list of 20 or so possible first names. I just listened.
- i asked him how parenting session with the coach went (actually the DB coach but he doesn't know it). Said it was ok but was it really worth it? she suggested ways he could have a relationship with the baby - such as letters, skype, visits to see her here, her travelling to see him
- hasn't mentioned being present for the birth or asked when he can first come and see the baby.
- I told him his decision to leave his new family/unborn child was the saddest thing I'd ever heard, but saddest of all for the child.
- said he was getting sick of people talking about how this is effecting the baby. he said he was more worried about me. said 'the baby will be fine whatever happens'.
- he admits to be being "too tired" to do the right thing.
BIL reports WAH is crying all the time. He went white, started shaking and crying when BIL said we had bought the baby cot and installed it.
He cries mostly at night, according to BIL. He is scared of dying, of fatherhood, of the baby being sick.
WAH follows up crying to BIL with "but I know I am dong the right thing and i am prepared to lose everyone over this, even you'.
BIL and I think WAH is deep in nervous breakdown and very scared by the disjuncture between WAH's TALK and EMOTIONS.
After much scratching of heads, BIL and I feel the only way to get through to WAH is to drop all LOGIC, and go for EMOTIONS. eg. the baby cot. WAH responds deeply to this sort of event, more than talk.
Aslo thought that if we keep telling WAH how bad all this is, he will never find the HOPE to see another way is possible.
