formerly here we go again

[TrentC]

based on the circumstances, when my kids are older are they going to hold it against me?

You have no control over that, other than to be honest with them when the time comes about why you did what you did. Kids are smart. They'll figure out who the stable influence is in their life.

Well apparently i am supoosed to spend my time while on extended maternity leave at his mother's house so old daughter can visit and i have a relationship with mil.

and supposedly at that point i will prove to h that i have changed....

I think a much better way of proving that you have changed is to kick him out of your life for good.

He is NOT ever going to file, i argued with this issue with myself. db says don't file, let the WAS do all the work.

That presumes that you want to keep the marriage going. If you are ready to be done, then file.

As for being vindictive? I dunno about that, but I've suggested turning him in to INS in the past. He appears to live his life thinking that he can skirt responsibility for his decisions and his actions.

It may be painful for you in the near future to turn him in, but you'll be better off getting that over with now so you can work on building a better life for you and your kids.