6 MONTHS IN AND FEELING A WOBBLE........

[lalxx]

hello all,
I am in need of a bit of good old fashioned advice.

I came home yesterday evening to a letter from my husband's solicitor. It is the first letter I ahve received in this regard and my husband had told me to expect a letter 'after easter' in an e-mail he sent to me on 23rd March 2010.

Paula
As you know I moved out of XXXX Lane on the morning of the 1st October 2009. It has been almost 6 months and it should be clear to all involved that I will not be returning.
I dont want to get drawn into the details and recriminations of what took place as neither of us will agree about the reasons behind it. Suffice to say we now need to make some clear plans about the future, for us both and for the children.
Currently we have an agreement which requires us both to pay £XXXX into the joint account each month and have arrangements to have the children every other weekend, subject to change only if it is agreed between both parties.
This is working reasonably well and the children seem relatively unaffected by what has occurred, although this will potentially change as they become aware, with joint agreement, about what is going to happen in the future. You have indicated to me that your desire is to be the childrens main carer and, at the moment, I dont see that changing unless you want to discuss a different outcome.
We have agreed that their education is of critical importance and that we are both committed to achieving the best for them in the circumstances. I am as committed now to their schooling choice as ever. I hope we both agree on that.
I have now taken formal legal advice and my solicitor will be writing to you after Easter to inform you of my desire to engage in divorce proceedings.
However, it is my intention to allow you to divorce me on either grounds of adultery or unreasonable behaviour. If you are unwilling to do this., within a short time frame, then I will have no option but to start proceedings against you on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour.
These are the only two options open to me or to you to start this process. Whilst I can understand that you will not be very happy with me, again, I dont see that either of us have an option.
My desire is not to engage in lots of letters between solicitors, but to work to a suitable agreement that suits all parties. There can be no financial settlement without a divorce and both of us need to know where we stand in the future.
It has been recommended to me that we engage in a process of discussion, guided by either a conciliation service or, at worst, solicitors.
I think that both of us want to avoid expensive and lengthy court proceedings, as neither of us have the money to do this.
No doubt this email will cause some more upset and for that I do apologise, but it is better for me to write to you in this way rather than you receiving a letter from my solicitor out of the blue.

I filed this e-mail and didn't respond - thinking he's just telling me to expect a letter - the letter arrived 23rd April 2010 and says pretty much what my husband has outlined above. The letters says they 'would hope to receive a response within 21 days of the date of this letter.'

So this is where I need advice - he has been warmer of late - I have been cool, calm, friendly and polite - my thoughts have always been that i would react to what has actually happened rather than reacting and thinking up 'what if' scenarios.

I shoudl add that he is up to his eyes in debt - living the high life from last year, struggling to make ends meet and we have a lot of equity in our home. I am self employed and have no chnace of ever getting a mortgage on my own - cheekily I think my starting point should be 100% of equity and move from there. I think part of this is about liquidity and clearing his debts.

I don't want a divorce and it somehow doesn't sit comfortably with me that I'd have to start the proceedings - looking into the future my chidren will be able to see these records and what has passed between us. So i feel caught between a rock and a hard place - sue my husband for divorce on grounds of his adultery or have him sue me for divorce on the grounds of my unreasonable behaviour.....

I would really welcome anyone's thoughts here.

On a brighter note I went to my best friend's (second) wedding celebration yesterday and it was wonderful - I am GALing my legs off and heading up to bed for a snooze as I am feeling rather jaded. Alcohol and late nights hit me harder than they used to do.......


lalxx